Ep 133 Trust Yourself More Than The Process

Are you drowning in conflicting health advice, trends and opinions?

In this episode, Carly explores what it really means to trust yourself more than any plan, programme, or process, inspired by a powerful post from a former client, the Barbie movie, and and Indigo Girls song.

She also explores how strength training and Breathwork are doorways to self-knowledge, and why midlife (and perimenopause especially) is a profound invitation to finally stop looking outside yourself for answers.

This one is for every woman who's followed all the rules and still felt like something was missing.

🎧 Listen now and discover the Embodied Strength Profile at carlykillen.com

Rooted in Presence is hosted by Carly Killen, Breathwork facilitator, strength coach and menopause coach based in Hull, East Yorkshire, and founder of Still Space Hull.

The song I referenced: Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls

Thanks for listening to Rooted In Presence

If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: carlykillenpt@gmail.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach

Do you crave unshakable confidence in your strength from midlife and beyond? Would you love to achieve your goals without sacrificing family time or self-care?

Ready to take your strength to the next level? Start building a stronger body and healthier bones with my Strong Bones Starter Kit; your step-by-step guide to safe and effective strength training at home.
👉 Click here to learn more and access today

🌟 Stay connected and inspired with daily wellness tips on Instagram @thestrongbonescoach.
🌟 For tailored advice or personal queries, email me at carlykillenpt@gmail.com

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨

Transcript

0:47

Hello and welcome to Rooted in Presence. I'm Carly Killen, your guide and host, and today I would like to talk to you about something that's been sitting with me for a good few days now. Hmm. And actually it traces back to. A, uh, really super cool meme, uh, from the Barbie movie. I dunno if you know the one, uh, the one where she's in the cast singing along, starting her journey, and Ken pops up in the back of the car and absolutely terrifies her. Well, there's something about that. Have you actually listened to the lyrics of that song? The song Closer To Fine, because I've loved that song for a good while now. Um, but really sitting with it this week in the context of the film, the context of what I do as a coach, uh, something's just really clicked into place with me. So I've had that song on repeat and then actually, this might also sound like a bit of a coincidence, but I think I've given up believing in those now. Um, a former client posted something on social media that really stopped me in my scroll, and I want to talk about all of it with you today because I think. There's something really important about that intersection and something that really relates to health and the way that we trust ourselves over time. So let's start there. So that client posts them. Um, I've not worked with them for a little while, but they posted something really meaningful, something that so many of us are drowning in the noise, the endless conflicting advice about what we should be doing with our body, our health, our life. She talks all about how it can feel relentless and conflicting and lift heavier, do more mobility. Eat more protein, be more careful, do more cardio. Oh no, actually less cardio, more strength. You know that back and forth. Perhaps it feels like advice tennis, but something else you said that really hit home to me and that was that if you listen to it all, you end up second guessing everything, your routine, your choices, and your instincts. And she's absolutely right because then she made a decision. I mean, she admitted she was never really a rule follower, which is absolutely true and rightly so. She is just going to do her. She said, I'm just gonna do me move how she wants to move in the way that feels good. And yes, she's got that prior knowledge. She knows what to do with it. She knows how to eat, and now she knows how to eat in a way that works for her. So listening to her own energy, her own rhythm, and her own needs. And what she ended with was incredible. She said, at this stage in life, I trust myself more than ever, and that feels far more powerful than any gym plan or nutrition trend. Well that got me with a lump in my throat when I read that. And not because, it inflated my ego that I wanted to take all the credit for it'cause she did the work. But, but that's exactly it. That is what I'm here for. It's a whole point. Trusting yourself. See a lot of people think I'm here to give you the plan, the workout, the nutrition strategy, the step by step that roadmap to followed perfectly and you'll get exactly where you want to go. But that is not what I'm here for at all. What I'm actually here to do is to help you get back in touch with something you already have inside you. The ability to trust yourself. And I know that sounds simple, but perhaps it sounds like the most complex thing you've ever heard. Perhaps it sounds airy fairy to you, but it's not really any of those things because actually for most of us, especially by the time we reach midlife, we've spent so long listening to everyone else's answers that we've often stopped listening to our own. So. How do I do this? How do I support people through this? Well, it happens through one big doorway, which is the body. But then there's another two doorways here that I support people with that are the entry points to this life of self-trust, and they are strength training and breath work. Now, strength training might seem shallow. Maybe it's about aesthetics, toning your body up, all those sorts of messages. You go to the gym, you lift the weights, you get stronger, simple, right? And yes and no. I mean, what's actually happening is something a lot deeper. Um, when you lift a weight, you're not just building muscle, you're building a relationship with your body. You are learning that what your body can do. You learn to trust what you can do, trust your body. And you're also learning, I can do this. I am capable. I'm stronger than I thought. Perhaps it's more available here than I realized. And that's just not a metaphorical, that is literally a truth that clients experience when they start to lift weights, they start to realize what they are actually capable of. Because once you know your body can do hard things, you start to believe other things about yourself too. So let's look at the breath work doorway Now. Breath work is one of the ways we can quiet all the noise from the outside world so we can actually hear what's going on with our own selves inside. When you're in a breathwork session with me. The outside world can absolutely drop away your to-do list. The advice, the shoulds, all of it, it quiets down. And what is left is you, your inner knowing, your intuition, your own body's wisdom, and that's when you start to feel it. The full body s the full body. No. And it's just not all in your head. It's your whole system responding. And of course I weave this together with my values based coaching. And what that means is, if you've never really heard of that, is that we get really clear on what actually matters to you, not what should matter, not what your mom thinks should matter, not what Instagram thinks should matter, but what actually makes you feel alive. What makes you feel like yourself and you don't just think about that, you feel it in your body. You get that embodied sense of, yes, this is true for me, or no it is not, because your body really does know before your mind catches up. But here's something else that's actually really important, especially if you're listening and you are in your midlife or perimenopause years. There's an invitation that comes with this stage of life, whether it's through the hormonal shifts of menopause or perhaps through grief from losing a loved one or seeing an aging parent, or realizing how short life actually is. It does something to you. You start to question not just your health routine, but your whole life, your choices, your relationships. You really want to know what is actually true for you. Um, this is where we get to reference Barbie. Again, sorry if you've not seen it, but I recommend that you do. It does a beautiful job of recognizing this and it's essentially about a woman who has. Literally designed to be perfect to follow the plan. And she realized that that's not quite enough. There needs to be more. I need to know who I am, and that is the invitation of midlife. And yes, that is absolutely terrifying, but it's also the most important thing that can happen to you or for you. I dunno how much of a cliche you want to go with there. So going back to my former client, then when she said she was done listening to all the conflicting advice and decided to trust herself instead, that wasn't her abandoning knowledge or good coaching or science. That was her saying, I'm gonna take everything I've learned. I'm gonna filter it through my own knowing, my own body, my own truth. And that's what the Indigo girls are getting at singing in that song, that closer to fine. Go listen, actually, I'm gonna put it in the show notes in in case you haven't heard it, because it's a classic. But those lyrics, she went to the doctor, we go to the mountains, the children, the fountains, gathering up all of that input from everywhere. But actually in the end, realizing something incredibly crucial that the less we look for those definitive answers. The closer we get to being fine. And I don't just mean the fine that we say when we're not really fine, the fine that we say when we're not really okay. I mean actually okay. In the good way, in the balanced way, in the, just knowing that actually gonna be all right no matter what goes on. And that doesn't happen'cause we stop learning. It happens because we stop waiting for permission. And especially stopping outsourcing our own knowing. So this is where I got the title of today's episode. Actually trust yourself more than the process. I know that sounds a little bit rebellious in the coaching world. Well, I hope it does. Because we're often told, trust the process, and I get it because processes are helpful. There's something powerful about committing to small steps that add up over time. But the thing is, the process is only as good as your ability to read yourself within it. The process is a container, but you are the compass and you can follow the process and trust yourself more. In fact. It's important that you do because if you're only trusting that process and ignoring your body, your gut, your rhythm, you'll either abandon it when it doesn't feel right, when life changes, or you'll clinging to it even when it's no longer serving you. Neither of those is freedom. So if you have been drowning in advice this week, even if that's from me, from a fitness influencer, from your doctor, your friend who swears by keto. It is something that I really want you to know is that you don't have to have the definitive answer. You're allowed to gather input. You're allowed to learn. You can have coaches and mentors and people who guide you. I highly recommend that you do, and you don't have to wait for someone else to validate what you already know about yourself. That knowing is already there in your body, your gut, in that full body, yes, and the no that lives inside you and shows up at the right time. But my job as your coach, as the person holding space here at Still Space Hall is to help you reconnect with all of that, to help you learn to trust it again, and then to help you live from that place. Because once you know something about yourself, you can't unknow it, and that's when things really start to shift in life. But that's a whole other episode. so as you go about your life this week, I'm inviting you to notice. Notice where you're looking outside yourself, Francis. Notice where you might be ignoring your own knowing because someone else's plan feels more legitimate. And see what happens if you trust yourself just a little more than the process because you already have everything you need. And if this resonated with you today, if you're sitting there thinking, I want to feel that kind of trust in myself. Then I have something that you might find helpful for the next step. It's called the Embodied Strength Profile. It's designed to help you get clear on exactly where you are right now and what kind of support might serve you best going forward. Whether that's working with me directly or just getting clearer on a sense of yourself. It's a really good place to start. And you can find that over@carlykillen.com. Contact me there. I'll also pop a link in the show notes so you don't have to remember anything while you're out on your walk or if you're driving right now. So thank you for being here. Thank you for your attention and your time. I really do appreciate your support. So that is it from me for now. So until next week, may you meet yourself with Compassion Walk with Presence, and remember. You already have everything you need.