118 Is This Stopping Your Midlife Growth? The Pattern You Haven't Noticed

What if the thing stopping your midlife growth isn't lack of effort, but a pattern you haven't noticed yet?

In this episode of Rooted in Presence, we explore the hidden trap that keeps high-achieving midlife women stuck in cycles of burnout: growing faster than your nervous system can handle.

Host Carly Killen shares her own pattern of constant forward motion, always reaching for the next thing, never quite landing in the space she'd created and how that drive for growth eventually caught up with her. Twice.

Using the mountain climbing metaphor of "base camps," this episode reveals what sustainable growth actually looks like: not constant forward motion, but cycles of reaching, resting, and integrating.

You'll discover:

• The pattern that turns personal development into burnout
• Why growth without safety becomes survival
• The four types of base camps you need (place, practice, person, internal knowing)
• How to ground yourself when the mental chatter gets loud
• Questions that help you build infrastructure for sustainable growth
• What Still Space Hull is and the vision behind creating a physical base camp

This episode is for you if you love personal development but suspect there's a more sustainable way. If you're navigating midlife transitions, recovering from burnout, or learning to trust your own pace instead of someone else's timeline.

Plus, Carly shares the vulnerable reality of opening Still Space Hull, her breath work studio in Hull, and extends an invitation to the February opening ceremony.

Topics: midlife burnout, sustainable personal growth, nervous system regulation, perimenopause transitions, breathwork, building resilience, growth patterns, rest and integration, base camp philosophy, midlife women's health

Thanks for listening to Rooted In Presence

If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: carlykillenpt@gmail.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach

Do you crave unshakable confidence in your strength from midlife and beyond? Would you love to achieve your goals without sacrificing family time or self-care?

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👉 Click here to learn more and access today

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🌟 For tailored advice or personal queries, email me at carlykillenpt@gmail.com

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨

Transcript

0:46

Hello and welcome back to Rooted in Presence. I'm Carly, your host strength coach, breathwork facilitator and midlife guide, and this week I want to talk to you about how it's feeling to be middle of January right now, and I think this is the last time. I'm gonna mention the J word. I feel like I've had enough of hearing about January. We already call it the longest month ever in the year, but there isn't energy around at this time. And yes, I've talked about this last few episodes, so I have something else, maybe a different angle to come at this from. So today isn't really about January. It's about something that matters, whether it's January, July, or any random Tuesday when life just gets a bit loud and you're trying to figure out what is my next move. So today I want to talk to you about something I'm learning in real time. Something I certainly learned the hard way, and that's you can't grow without somewhere safe to return to. And I say learning in real time because. I don't think I have this completely figured out just yet. I'm still navigating it myself, still catching that mental chatter, still practicing what I'm about to share with you. And actually I think that's the point. It's not a one and done. It's a lifetime's work, but it does get easier. As a coach, I've been taught to speak from the scar and not the wound, and that is important. This is not my therapy session. I have my own people for that, but some things don't always have to wait until we've completely mastered them to talk about it. So I'm sharing this a little more from the messy middle, that learning edge, the place where I am actively practicing what I preach. So today we're talking about something I like to call Basecamp, why this concept might be helpful and what that's got to do with midlife coaching and how I'm learning to build my own, including the physical one, still space whole. So let's begin. So first, let's talk about that growth myth, that it's constant forward motion. Here's what we've been taught about growth, that it's linear, that it's always upward. It's that constant forward motion. As I said, you set goals, you achieve them, you set bigger goals, you keep climbing, and somewhere along the way we internalize that message that if you're not growing, you're stagnating. If you're resting, you are falling behind. And if you pause, you're wasting time. I bought into this for years. I've always wanted to be on to that next thing. Maybe that's the a DHD part of me, who knows, but always growing, always developing, always learning something new. And that is true to an extent, but, and don't get me wrong, I, I love personal development. I genuinely do. Becoming more self-aware, understanding what's available. What's available within the fullness of life. That is amazing. It's why I do what I do, but this is what I didn't realize. Growth for growth's sake can become its own kind of trap. Perhaps it's to prove how far you can go. Maybe it's to feel like you're enough. Maybe it's responding to that cultural message. We've, well, many of us. Have absorbed, but you can do anything. You can be anything. Just keep pushing. And that's not a bad message, but sometimes I think it drives us forward at a pace faster than our nervous system can actually handle. It can leave us without grounding, without anchoring, without a reference point to help us understand where we are now and how all of this fits into place. I tried to slow down over the years. I really did. I'd tell myself, try to enjoy this. Spend time living in the space you've created. But that insecurity, that fear of not being enough of running outta time, it would always catch up with me and I'd be on my next stage of growth and development before I'd even fully landed in the previous one. That drive for constant rapid growth, it really did catch up with me to the point where I had to put everything down. I was worn out, exhausted, packed schedule, still trying to cram more in and still not feeling like I was doing enough. And that's burnout. Not that dramatic kind where you collapse in a heap, although I had my moments. But the slow creeping kind where you're functioning, but barely where you're moving. But the why is long gone, or at least far from view. That's not what I want for the people I work with, which is why I tell my story. And this is a story I see mirrored in many of you walking through your midlife transitions, whether that be due to life circumstances, perimenopause, menopause, this time asks us to sit in that threshold space to slow down and remember. What am I doing all this for? So if you are someone who loves growth, who loves learning, who's always reaching for that next edge, I see you. I am you. But we need to talk about what sustainable growth actually looks like. So let's talk about that mountain metaphor, because this has been guiding me for the last few years. Imagine you are climbing a mountain. You start at base camp, a place that feels safe, familiar, comfortable, and you go to venture out. You take a hike up the mountain, maybe around the hill. You explore new terrain, you stretch yourself, and after a time you might stop and take in the air, adjust to that new altitude. Notice what's changed. If you've integrated those learnings, if you've really allowed yourself to rest and reflect, you might decide to set up a new base camp a little higher up the mountain. And this is the thing that real mountain climbers know you don't summit without base camps. Setting up a base camp is not a failure. It's not giving up. It's just a sign that you need more time to integrate, to take on board the changes, to know that you have a safe place to return to on your next venture. Because base camps are necessary infrastructure. That's where you acclimatize, where you rest, where you assess, where you gather your resources before you push higher. It becomes your new baseline level, your new good. That proof that you can handle the altitude evidence that you've grown. And when you have that solid foundation, you can reach higher. Without base camps, you are just scrambling, moving fast, but not sustainably. Trying to outrun the idea that you might actually fall down the hill at some point and eventually that al altitude does get to you. A lack of oxygen catches up. You have to retreat, not because you chose to, but because your body made the choice for you. And that's what burnout is. Your system forcing you back down the mountain because you didn't give yourself permission to rest along the way. So when I talk about base camps, I'm talking about the places, the practices, and the people that allow you to say, this is where I can land. This is where I'm safe. This is where I remember who I am and what I'm capable of. And these base camps can take all sorts of different forms. For you, it might be a place, a physical space that feels safe. It might be your home, a specific room, a nature spot, a studio, somewhere. Your nervous system can actually exhale and it might be a practice. Breath, movement, meditation, journaling. Something you can return to that brings you back to yourself. It might even be a person, a trusted friend, a mentor, a coach. A therapist, a community, someone who holds space for you to be exactly where you are, just as you are. And it might even be an internal, knowing that I've done hard things before, I have resources, I'm capable. I'm not alone. It might be one of these things, it might be a few of these things. Definitely use them all at different times. Your base camp isn't where you hide from Growth. Your base camp is what makes growth possible. So here's what's real for me right now as I'm opening up Still Space Hull, a breathwork studio in the heart of Hull. For those of you who haven't heard yet, the mental chatter right now is loud. Am I doing enough? What if this fails? What if no one wants to come? What if I've made a huge mistake and I wish I could tell you that I just breathe it all away and feel instantly peaceful that I've mastered this and I'm some zen guru floating through my days. Actually, I don't wish I could tell you that I'm having much more fun being a real human, by the way, because that's not how it works. The fear is still there, the doubt is still there at times. The what ifs are absolutely still there. So what do I do? Yes, I, I do return to my breath, not to escape the fear, but to ground myself in the reality of now, because the thing is, my mind loves to spin stories about the future, catastrophic stories quite often. But when I pause and ask myself what is actually true right now, not the story, my mind is spinning, but what's genuinely present in this moment? Things really do shift. I've started asking myself these questions when the mental chatter gets loud and what has been. I remind myself that I've navigated hard things before. I've faced uncertainty. I've taken brave steps and survived them. I ask myself, why is this different? And I remind myself of the fact I have so many more tools now, much more awareness, more supports. I'm not the person I was during my first burnout or my second. I have learned, I have grown. I check in with what are my resources. I have my breath. I have a small community. I have mentors. I have my own resilience from the practices I've built over the years. I ask myself, what are my capabilities? I know I'm strong. I know I'm adaptable. I learn quickly. I care deeply, and I hold space. Well, these are all things that I bring to Still Space Hull into all of the work that I do. And the one I often have to remind myself to ask is, who can I ask for help? I have names, actual people I can reach out to. I'm not doing this alone, even though sometimes it feels like I am. And that process coming back to breath, grounding in reality, remembering my resources, that's my base camp practice. Not because it makes the fear go away,'cause it doesn't but because it reminds me, I can hold both the fear and the courage to keep going at the same time. I can be scared and capable. I can doubt myself and still show up, and that's what Base Camp does for me. It doesn't eliminate the mountain when I don't want it to, but it gives you a place you can land so you can keep climbing when you're ready. So where does still Space Hall fit into all of this? Something I want to share with you, or at least what I'm understanding it to be so far, because honestly I'm still figuring this out. I've only been here a few months, even though I've been coaching for years. But still Space Hall is, yes. It's a physical base camp. It's in Hull Old town. Yes. It's a breathwork studio. It's also more than that. It's a place where you don't have to choose between strength and softness. A space that holds both the work, breath, work, strength, training, coaching, and the rest. It also holds the integration, the community, and the opportunity for stillness. It's my attempt, my offering to create externally what I've been learning to build internally my whole life. Because what I have realized is I needed a physical base camp, a place where I could root to my practice, where I could welcome others into the same kind of transformation I've experienced through breathwork strength and all of the personal development things I've done over the years, but Much more than that. I wanted to show myself that I can build something from a place of alignments, coherence, not just blind ambition driven by somebody else's dream that I could create something that felt more like me, not a copy of what someone else is doing, not what I thought I should do, but what really feels true. And so far as I understand this. It's here to be that landing space for people navigating all sorts of life transitions, but quite often midlife transitions for people who are stretched thin, for people who love growth, but are starting to realize they need somewhere safe to return to, and it's here to offer practices that build those internal base camps, those inner still spaces that you can take away with you using the breath, using movements, reflection. And of course community.'cause sometimes your base camp is a practice. Sometimes it's a place and sometimes it's other people. It's being witnessed, being held, knowing you're not alone in this. And I guess I'm here to model that, that the rest and the rise can live in the same space. That you can be building strength and nervous system resilience, that you can be ambitious and gentle with yourself. And actually, I think we need to be, if we ever expect this to be a sustainable thing for you, true growth needs to have those safe landing spaces too. Two. So what is my vision for this right now? Something I'm very much still, I'm still figuring out, still discovering this, but I guess I'm creating different entry points into this work drop in sessions for busy people who just want to carve out an hour to land. I'm creating deeper workshops for those ready to go further. Right. I wonder Breathworks are. Fabulous for curious souls. With this one, I'm loving the collaborations that I've been doing so far and looking forward to so many more, and perhaps there'll be some online offerings coming up soon too. Again, something I'm figuring out, and by the way, I'm open to ideas. Please do share if there's something that has sparked your imagination today and you would love to see, show up at still Space Hull. So there's my musings so far, but I'm learning to be okay with the fact that I don't have a five year plan. Not sure if I should admit that one, but I don't have it all figured out and that used to absolutely terrify me. The old version of me would've needed to know exactly where this was going before I even started. But now I'm learning to trust my own pace to build and grow one base camp at a time. And so let's still space Hull, evolve as I evolve. Because that is the whole point, isn't it really? Growth isn't about having it all mapped out where you can try, but we know how that goes, but it's more about taking that next right step. Then coming back to base camp to rest, to integrate before you're ready to take the next one. So whether you've ever set foot in still space Hull or not. I'd like to leave you with some questions to help you build your own base camp or your own inner still space, not just nervous system tactics,'cause I've covered some of those before, but instead, some reflective and strategic questions. The kind that help you build infrastructure and not just manage symptoms. So the first question you might want to ask yourself, what helps me remember I'm safe, not what should help. What actually does, it might be a person, a place, a song, a practice, a memory. For me it's that feel of my feet on the ground during a walk. It's the sound of my own breath. It's certain people whose voices immediately calm my nervous system. So what is it for you? Next, you might want to ask yourself, where do I already return to naturally? So before you try to create new base camps, notice your existing ones. Where do you already go when life gets hard? What do you already do that brings you back to yourself on what's already working before you change it all up or try to add more. And then when you're ready, ask yourself, what would I need to feel safe enough to take my next brave step? And this is the growth edge work here. You don't need your base count to be perfect, move forward. You just need it to be enough. So what's the minimal viable base cu for you? What's the one thing that would give you just enough grounding to stretch a little further? Remember, you can come back. And finally, who are your trusted allies? Name them. Actually name them. Make a list because part of Base Camp building is knowing who's on your team, who you can call when the mental chatter gets loud, who will remind you of your resources when you've forgotten you don't have to do this alone. Actually, you're not meant to. So I hope you get a moment to spend some time with those questions, and just notice how you create your own base camp, because that capacity is always with you. You deserve that base camp. You're always allowed to build one, even if you're still figuring out what life wants to look like for you, especially when the mental chatter is loud. Even if you're not sure you're doing it right, because you can't actually get it wrong. I hope today's conversation has been helpful. I hope it reminds you that growth is brave, but growth without safety is just survival. You can reach for new heights and have a place to land. You can be strong and need support, and you can trust your own pace, even when it feels slow, even when others appear to be moving faster and even when your mind is telling you you're not doing enough. One breath at a time, one base camp at a time, one brave step, and then a return home. This is how we grow sustainably. This is how we stay rooted whilst we are reaching. So thank you for being here. I appreciate all of you that take the time to listen each week, and if you'd like to explore breath work, coaching or community at Still Space Hall a little further, come visit me on my website carlykillen.com, where you can find me on Instagram, the Strong Bones Coach. So that's it from me for now. So until next week. May you meet yourself with compassion, walk with Presence, and remember you already carry everything you need.