Rooted In Presence
Rooted in Presence is a podcast for midlife souls ready to move beyond survival and come home to themselves.
Join Carly Killen, midlife, menopause and Breathwork coach for conversations on menopause, strength training, nervous system wisdom, bone health, and self-reclamation.
This is where science meets soul to help you live with more truth, more ease, more you.
Welcome home.
Rooted In Presence
106 From Coping to Connection: Healing Through the Body Ft. Laura Starky
In this week’s episode of Rooted in Presence, Carly is joined by Laura Starky, a trauma-informed integrative somatic therapist, yoga and meditation teacher, and someone who’s walked the messy, beautiful path of healing herself.
Together they explore what it really means to come home to the body after years of disconnection.
From alcohol and overworking to people-pleasing and emotional eating, Laura shares how old coping patterns can gently unravel when we learn to listen inwardly.
✨ In this conversation:
- The difference between coping and true connection
- How to rebuild safety and trust in the body through somatic awareness
- The role of stillness, movement, and patience in healing
- Why compassion and curiosity matter more than control
- How nervous-system-based practices create real, embodied change
Laura’s grounded wisdom reminds us that healing isn’t about fixing ourselves, it’s about remembering that wholeness was never lost.
🎧 Tune in for an honest, soothing, and practical conversation about returning to your body, one moment at a time.
🔗 Connect with Laura Starky: https://www.somatic-wellness.com
Thanks for listening to Rooted In Presence
If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: carlykillenpt@gmail.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach
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Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨
Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of Rooted in Presence. I am your host, Carly Killen, and this week we have an extra special episode. We have Laura Starkey somatic therapist joining us to tell us all about her journey towards learning to trust her body and how she uses somatic therapy to support our life journey. So without any further ado, let's get started. So Laura, welcome to Rooted in Presence. It's really good to have you on. It's great to be here. I'm really
Laura:looking forward to what unfolds. Yeah. This time. Absolutely. Yeah. Bad time around. Bad
Carly:time around. I know. I was gonna say, it's like, uh. You're the only person that's been on here three times. So, I am very honored and it's been quite a journey. It's been an absolute honor to be part of your journey in different ways over the, over the years, and to watch you blossom and bloom so. I'm hoping you're gonna share with us some new insights today as to what's brought you here and a little bit of what's happened along the journey. Um, so would you mind, firstly, let us know what is it you're doing now and then perhaps briefly,'cause there is three years of it. Um, what's actually happened along the way to, to bring you to this point? Yeah.
Laura:Yeah. Without needing to go back over the whole history. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but the last time we spoke, which was um, early October last year. Yeah. Another year gone by and at that stage I was creating a community. At that point it was called suburb yoga Vibes. And that's, I dunno what point really early into. 2025, I think evolved into what I have now, which is not that different. Um, but if we are thinking about the name. So I did think I was, yeah, I was. Offering a kind of a service if you like, or a support to people who were struggling with alcohol. And I think as I've evolved and as, and also as my training was evolved,'cause I was, you know, over half through my somatic therapy training in October last year. So that completed in March this year, 2025. Yeah. And Yeah, and I think what I've come to, to realize is that even as hard as it was for many years, alcohol was front and center of, of, you know, everything really. It was, I couldn't see really much beyond that. It was, it was problem for me, but the thing is never the thing Alcohol wasn't, yes, it, it was something I needed to address, but. As with maybe there's that no addiction. Um, it's not usually the, the thing that's the thing. So there's usually, yeah, there was, for me anywhere was that there was a deeper route, um, to, you know, why I had a problem with alcohol and very quickly after removing alcohol, um, you know, all. A manner of things popped up for me. You know, shopping, weight training, losing weight. A lot of these kind of became just like new co obsessions, new compulsions. But you know, what continued to drive me was this, seeking this constantly light, you know, energy of keep moving, keep doing, um, keep striving and. Very much still, you know, in the mind. And yeah, so, so I've kind of, I suppose now with my qualification in somatic therapy is that, um. Somatic therapy is useful for so many things. Um, but I'm not here just to support people who may have an alcohol problem. Yeah. It's about understanding why you reach for alcohol in the first place, I suppose.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Um, and yes, you know, it's a fantastic thing to do for yourself and some people might just stop there, you know, they remove alcohol. Um, life opens up in so many amazing ways that, I mean, the SBA movement is growing. Yeah. And growing and it's, it's a wonderful thing. And, but for me, the journey didn't contin the journey needed to continue because, well, for one, I was still vaping anyway. Yeah. Um, and I quit alcohol. And it really wasn't until I quit the vaping that that really opened up well, it completely cracked me up and in terms of, you know, how I was self soothing and, um, what I Yeah. Needed to grasp pulled of and yeah. And I suppose my, my journey with yoga and then somatic therapy is, um, it's not a, it's not a finished, no, I'm, I don't think. You ever the finished article? Um, but from where I am now to look back, I can see yeah. How far that journey's taken me and continues to take me. It's, it's a, it's an ongoing, it's an ongoing journey. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so. Very much now offering somatic therapy. Mm-hmm. Um, women's circles, um, uh, I've got a, yeah. An online membership for people who are interested in things in relation to somatic therapy. So people might, you know, be there because,'cause they, you know, know that something needs to change. Yeah. Um, uh, nervous system regulation. Healing in community. Yeah, that's the kind of where I'm at now. So we'll maybe talk about a bit more of that.
Carly:Absolutely. And yeah, we'll just come back around to. That realization that alcohol wasn't the thing. Um, and it's quite common, isn't it? We, we have our soothing mechanisms and we maybe don't know what it is about the soothing, but it, it can be those things that we feel like we conquer. I mean, alcohol is a big one and it's quite, um, it's quite a well under well understood by outsiders. Isn't if you tell someone you've got an alcohol problem that you've overcome it. A lot of people have a sense of an understanding of that. You don't necessarily have to explain yourself any further, but it does expose the rest, isn't it? Again, that can cover up a lot. Um, and like I say, you said you try different things, like you're sort of seeking outside of yourself for that sort of that answer that, that thing that was gonna fix everything almost. Um, so yeah, so when you. Got down to the vaping and decided you were gonna, um, quit there. I mean, sort of, at which point did you really know that that was that final frontier almost, you know, sort of what, what sort of signs were coming up and what was happening for you around that'cause? Yeah,
Laura:I think there was, um, I think with the vaping there was an identity thing. First and foremost, if this is answering your question, I was about to start my. Yoga teacher training, and I kept playing this vision of me going into the yoga studio and having a cheeky vape in the toilet or having to run outside and it's like. That doesn't quite fit. Yeah, it doesn't fit with the, whatever the identity I had of, uh, you know, what a, a yoga teacher should look like. And, but I think, yeah, that was probably the first thing that, but, but underneath that, what I've continued to come back to is one of my top values is freedom.
Carly:Mm-hmm.
Laura:And when I gave up. Cigarettes many, many years ago. Yeah, I remember that feeling of freedom. I remember that not feeling that I had to be tied to well in them, in them days. You know, you couldn't smoke in the public spaces anymore. Yeah. So it was always having to, where am I gonna have a fag? You know, it was always like, have I got enough tobacco? Um, and yeah, when all of that, you know. Ended, it was like freedom. Yeah. That's exactly what it felt like. And I had the same with alcohol. No longer was there the decision whether to drink or not, or Oh, you've drunk again. And then that constant, you know, shame spiral of
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:I've done it again every day. It was the same day, like Groundhog Day. So when finally, you know, sobriety came, yeah. Um, you know, a massive sense of freedom. And, and I think that's also what came up with this, it coinciding with the yoga teacher training
Carly:mm-hmm.
Laura:Is that I didn't want to feel that constrained that I would not be fully present. Yeah. And would be having to think about, well how are you gonna get your vaping? You know? Yeah. Yeah. Um, and that, yeah, I think that was probably. One of the factors, and I don't think I was aware until I took vaping away how much I was using it to, to breathe down. Mm-hmm. To suck.
Carly:Almost
Laura:like that resistance
Carly:to
Laura:get the breath in. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But actually what just reminded me there was, as a child, I used to suck my thumb as well. So it's almost that comfort. Yeah. To suck. But what, what you're actually doing is you're sucking down. Your, your, your emotion or whether it's discomfort, tension, you know, the brace in the body, whatever, however that manifests. Yeah. That what I was actually yeah. Doing so. So then once that is out the picture, it's like, yeah, there was a, almost like a free fall. Yeah. Spinning around and a spiraling down. It certainly felt like that. Mm-hmm. And still trying to grasp one to something to anchor me to, well, to what? You know, I probably couldn't articulate it then and cut now. But that sense of. Connection. Yeah. Which I now know is that, is that connection to, to yourself. And obviously my route to that has been through, through somatics. Mm-hmm. To the body. So to have the body as the anchor and however I do that, and sometimes that is through breath. Yeah. And sometimes that's just through. Softening and letting go. Yeah. Um, but, but that comes, I think, over a period of time. There needs to be a, a period of trust that you can hold what you need to hold. You can digest what you need to digest and, and that that's a, that, you know, that's a process. And that's still, that's still unfolded in, you know? Yeah. Very much so. Um, and yeah, and I think I spoke to somebody earlier today actually. Was that what came forward at that point was what I would probably describe as a DHD. Mm-hmm. I don't, I've always suspected that there's a, I'm quite a neurodivergent profile. Yeah. And then I saw a lot of my behaviors that I have had. Probably my whole life, but I've, you know, self-medicated masked in so many, you know, so many ways. Yeah. Um, whether or not, you know, I've, I'm not diagnosed, but Yeah. But certainly the, the distraction, the, yeah, I mean, I thought I was probably gonna have to go get a diagnosis then, but then. The more I carried on doing the somatic work. Mm-hmm. The more. Grounded I was able to be. So, yeah. Um, I dunno if that answered your original question. It was,
Carly:yeah. Because I think when you've got something that can give you an excuse or a reason, perhaps it just covers up just enough just to get you through, you know? But I think there comes a point, and I think a lot of this can be around our menopause years, because as the estrogen drops away, there's that whole other level of feeling and having to face how you really feel without that. I say it's our BS tolerance goes off. And I think there comes a point in life where we're like, actually this can't go on. So whatever it is, whether it's a drinking, smoking, vaping, for me a lot it was people pleasing and things that, you know, putting myself aside far too much till I burned out and had to sit with a level of self-honesty, that was really challenging and that's how I found breath work, you know? And it's sounds like you spiraled into a similar situation where. You saw what you wanted and what you were doing didn't align. And it's allowing that to unravel to a point where you are sat. I mean, I don't think know if rock bottom is the right word, but it is that level of, okay, here we are and there's nothing else. It's what do we do now? It sounds like you relate to that and I think for me, actually getting an A DHD diagnosis helped that along and maybe it gave me a level of self-compassion that. At that time in my life, I might not have lent to myself. And it opened the door to some of that, which then one step took, took to another, which started opening doors for me to be really honest with myself and let some things fall away and put some practices in place that actually were gonna be supportive of going forward. So, uh, yeah, I think I got that
Laura:compassion from. Mm-hmm. Polyvagal theory. Mm-hmm. When I realized. What actually it meant to see yourself through the lens of the nervous system. Mm-hmm. And it all kind of, it, it just made so much sense. Yeah. That, you know, I'd adapted so much, I was such a hypervigilant child and, and had to be for, for lots of, you know, for reasons Well, keeping safe ultimately. Yeah. Um, and when I couldn't. Be safe then that level of disassociation, you know, to not be in my body because it was just so painful. Yeah. Um, so actually starting to recognize that, you know, my nervous system had had to, had to adapt, but we're still running pretty much that program. Yeah. Which, you know, in all intents and purposes. Um, has served me well. I suppose it's how you measure success.
Carly:Well, yeah. You've got through to the point where you could realize at that deeper level, I imagine. And yeah, and I, yeah, I guess with these things, it's been kind on that level when we remember the things we've done to survive. When we know better and when we find another way, it's, well, that version did get us to this point at least. Yeah. And at least sending the compassion to that as well. Yeah. Yeah. But I think, yeah, one of my,
Laura:you talked about people pleasing. I think mom has been very much around a, an overworking, um, perfection. In perfection. Perfectionism is in there massively. The. The trying to get my sense of self-worth or that set feeling that, I don't know, be nervous to be loved, you know, was through doing, was through producing, was through being successful. Um, and yeah, there comes a point where, yeah, that realization that. Actually, you don't need to run that program anymore.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:But that's not something that we can, conceptually, we can go so far with the man, but conceptually, yeah. Only takes you so far. It's a felt sense. It's, and that regulation through the nervous system is what has enabled my body to, to hold more capacity. Mm. To do more, you know, to make a lot of these changes and Yeah. So it's, yeah.
Carly:So many layers. Yeah. To this, it's always peeling layers. There's always more to find. And I guess once you perhaps start to realize that. We are okay through this. When you find that safety, as you uncover each layer, it becomes more safe to discover more about yourself. And I think that's the beauty of this type of work is that, yeah, rather than being afraid of what you might find, perhaps that curiosity feels so much more natural in, dare I say, as exciting, but not in an excitable kind of way. Yeah. Maybe a loving. Curiosity rather than, uh, what's next outta the doing as you said? I've definitely had that trap of doing, um, of say when I had to address a burnout and there was no other choice than to really sit with it for a couple of years, it was like, okay, we can't go back because we, we'll be here again. And it's that, that realization of yeah, it really has to change and nobody comes. And yes, we could. But we'll be back here again. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing that we can do the, the old methods. Yeah. Um, but they won't get a different response in the end, will they? So, so, um, actually thought for our listeners it might be helpful to know a bit more about what somatic therapy is.'cause I know the words and talk of it is coming up more into the mainstream awareness. But again, not everybody might be aware. And plus actually you possibly have your own view on it as well as a practitioner. So yeah, tell us more about that.
Laura:Hmm. So many ways we can jump off on that. Um, somatic therapy trauma. Tr it comes. Yeah. Trauma informed cer, somatics comes from the word cma. Mm-hmm. Um, CMA meaning of the body, but actually your lived experience of the body.
Carly:Mm-hmm.
Laura:So there is this, um, invitation if you like to connect with. Yourself, but through a felt sense through the body, not, not a top down approach through the mind, but this bottom up approach. So in a kind of, I suppose in a, in a simple way, we experience anxiety or stress and the body's responding to the mind, but the mind's also responding to the body. So we can't necessarily think ourself calm. Mm-hmm. Yes we can. We can analyze and we can rationalize, and to a degree that's helpful, but it can only take you so far. So thematics invites us into something called, uh, interception. Mm-hmm. Which is where we start to actually. Sense what's here in the body. So sensation. Mm. You know, the body, um, does speak to us all of the time, but for a lot of the time we don't have a, we don't have a felt sense of that because we are so caught up in the mind.
Carly:Mm.
Laura:But when we start to slow down and we create a little bit of space, then we can start to explore, you know, what body sensation, this, body awareness, you know, might, might be. Alongside that nervous system regulation, um, about understanding your nervous system, but you don't have to understand it, you know, intricately, but just to, you know, become aware of what your kind of predominant state state is.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:You know, so we've got fight, flight, freeze. Or Thorn. Mm-hmm. Which is probably the one I'm more familiar with that current. Um, and then there is another state, there's a, there's a branch of the parasympathetic nervous system, which we call ventral vagal. And that is a place which is often very unfamiliar for people, and there might be a reason for that. And that's where the trauma informed comes in, because yeah. Not everyone can just go to a yoga class or go to a breath class and be able to breathe, let's say breathe down into the belly because there has maybe been past trauma and there is. You know, patterning protection. Yeah. That, that, that, that person has needed. And um, yeah, it's kind of been, been aware of that, that not everybody, everyone's at a different Yeah. Place. Um, for sure. Um, so the journey, I suppose with somatics is that you are. Learning a new language. Yeah. I always say this is like, you need a new VER vocabulary. Yeah. Which is this one of being able to describe what's happening in the body sensation. So often what happens is we, we have a, an immersion. Yeah. The immersion arises in the body, but before we know it. We have created a story or we've got a label or, you know, we're running with a narrative on that. And that could be anything. You know, let's say, I dunno, anger arises and maybe, you know, that's attached to you blaming somebody else for, you know, making you feel angry. Yeah. And you keep that story going every time you, um, yeah. You go around that loop. Yeah. You know? And. That's what kind of keeps us stuck. That's what prevents us from fully digesting, if you like. Mm-hmm. Fully processing what, what, what we need to process. And we get stuck in these thought loops going round and round and round. So to, yeah. One of the aspects of somatic therapy would be that you, you're building this inter interception, so you're learning to kind of be with. The sensation in the body without being overwhelmed. Mm-hmm. This is important. It's you need to stay within your window of tolerance. You might move to the edges of that window of a to of tolerance from time to time. You know, the idea is being able to come, come back away from that edge. Yeah. To not re-traumatize yourself in any way. And, you know, and it's something we call, um, you know, pendulation, you know Yeah. You, you pen it, um, in an hour. And every time we do that, we're building a little bit more capacity, a little bit more, um, for us to be able to, to hold.
Carly:Mm-hmm.
Laura:Um, and with all of that starts to come more capacity for emotional regulation. To being able to be with what's arising and understanding that, you know, emotions as they arise, affect the way we think. Yeah. But then the way we think affects how we experience our, our bodies. There's a, a physiological response.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Um, so, you know, one of the things I often say to my clients is, you know, it's about unwind intention. If we can, we don't need to necessarily worry what's happening in the mind. Um, and this isn't about going back, digging for old trauma either. Sometimes that. Naturally arises, sometimes the body's ready to release something. Yeah. Um, but it's certainly not about going, um, you know, and, and having to relive and dig through the past.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:A lot of people have spent a lot of years in therapy talking about Yeah. What's happened to them. So this is, this is an invitation to, not that the story isn't important, not at all. But this is about how you are able to fully feel out. What needs to be felt? Yeah. I, I often say people comes to say, come to me to say that, you know, they want to feel different. So I said, to feel different. You need to feel more. Yeah. This is what we do do. Yeah. You know, we've spent lifetimes of not feeling and, and of suppressing and numbing and, you know, keeping busy. Yeah. And all of those things. And spending our life just, you know, up in our heads. So with somatics, we are learning to feel what we need to feel. I feel it to heal it, I think is sort a slogan. Um, we're like our slogans, don't we? But I think that's a slogan I've seen written somewhere. And um, yeah, and the process is, is a gentle process. Yeah. Um, some people, um, you know, are impatient. Yeah. They're really impatient to get to where they're. Need to be. Yeah. And I was one of, you know, I was one of those people. Yeah. Um, but that's, you know, that's striving, that seeking has finally led me, again, I'm not at the end point, but it's finally given me Yeah. The, the, the relief, you know, the, the bigger picture. Should we say that, that anxiety no longer. Affects my life. Yeah. You know? Absolutely. And, and what a freedom there is in that. Yeah. That when you find your, your baseline, your baseline is, is, is one of calm, it's peace. Mm-hmm. It's that, that, that felt sense in the body. Once you've got that. Yeah, we can. We go up, we go up. You know, you can't stop life from happening. Yeah. You know, bad, bad things, hard things happen. Yeah. You know, death, illness, you know, this tragedy everywhere. And, um, but this is about. Having the resilience. Mm-hmm. I don't fully like the word resilience. It's being
Carly:used a bit, hasn't it? It has. It's become another productivity word, isn't it? Yes. As opposed to to being co-opted what it really is. That's how I think we both probably understand it.
Laura:Yeah.
Carly:Yeah, yeah. Definitely. I like to,
Laura:resilience is about your capacity. Mm-hmm. To. To be with whatever is happening in life. Yeah. And it's not about grit and determination. Yes,
Carly:exactly.
Laura:It's not about continually, you know, striving to do more, be more Yeah. You know, heal faster.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Which is often, you know how a lot of people, that energy when they step into. You know, therapy is, that's very much where they're, they're at. Yeah. And that's hard for an nervous system that, you know Yeah. Has been in that place for a very long time. Yeah. Um, so slowly, you know, we, we start to bring in something like a micro practice. Mm-hmm. Um, where. Just small moments of regulation. Yeah. Being able to bring that into the body and, because that's the other thing you, you can't, yeah. You could go, well, a lot of people, you know, seeking these psychedelic experiences. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I've got not nothing against that. I mean, if, if, if anything, probably with my psychedelic experiences 30 odd years ago. Yeah. Opened the door. For, you know, my journey. Yeah. Which, which showed me that there were actually states of ecstasy and joy and connection and that, that love, which wasn't a, a, a romantic love. Yeah. It was a, it was a, you know, a, a love for all beings that were in that room at the time, even though we were, you know, we, maybe we were reving at the time. Yeah. But. But you know, you don't forget those experiences. Yeah. And actually that's when I've, when I've had those states, naturally now through my body without any substance is knowing that the body's got, it's, it, the body has that capability to give you those experiences that felt sense of ecstasy or joy or, or whatever.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Um, but. It's, it, it's, it's been patient that there is a process to'cause you, you need to have stabilization. Yeah. I mean, integration is a, is a big thing. Yeah. You know, we have these moments of. You know, awakening, should we say we have these massive shifts? Yeah. But then, you know, how do you stabilize with that? How do you integrate that into your, into your, into your life, you know, into your every day? Um, yeah. So I dunno if I've done enough. I don't know a bit that, um, so I was talking about
Carly:somatic therapy.
Laura:Yeah,
Carly:that's, is it almost relevant though, isn't it? Like I say, I've had, you know, this sort. Experience myself wear immense bliss, immense pleasure from breath or just what's just land in the body like naturally. And that can feel like a very big experience at times. And then it's knowing, well how does that apply to life? Because when you experience something really amazing, actually, especially depending on who you are, you can maybe want to chase. That feeling again. Um, and like I say, if we've got history of addiction or escapism, I think for me, meditation has been used as a escapism in the past and not a, a way to live life. I've definitely engaged in that way and actually not dealt with things and it has a health halo when you might not think. Oh, that's some health. It's like, no, I know the difference between ignoring life and just going to this lovely place versus, uh, truly feeling what needs to be felt, being in it and taking the practical steps in the day to day and knowing that you've got, like, say that baseline to return to, which allows us to stretch into. When you do want to maybe go for something exciting or have a experience or know that you're gonna step into a difficult conversation, knowing that, don't need to fear it in the same, we're still gonna feel things, but knowing you've got that, I like to call it base camp, but yeah, so I always find that we, we might pitch our base camp at different levels depending on. Where we're going in our journey and, and we have that se circuitous route of developments. And sometimes you find yourself passing yourself and you're like, oh yeah. But I deal with that differently now. Same scenario. And you do find people beat themselves up, think, oh, in very similar scenario again. But actually, if you're dealing with that differently, it's okay that something's arisen. If anything, it's good to have these things arise and that's how, you know, you've progressed with that level of journey. So yeah, that's, um, that's a big part of what I like to do with my clients too. And yeah, a big part of what the breath has brought, but it's great, but there's so many. Different ways that we can get our bodies to tune in experience and Yeah. And again, that it doesn't have to be,'cause yeah, when people come to therapy sometimes they leave it that long that they do really feel they need to attack it. Yeah. Um, they're ready finally to, to do all this. But actually then that's soft unfolding that soft journey. Um, that you can then, yeah. It's that self trust, isn't it? And you can trust yourself. You can then start to allow in Yeah. What what needs to be. Um, so yeah, and
Laura:I, there's a period, there's a, a period within therapy, which Yeah. We could call stage one if you like. Um, which is laying the foundations for that. Yeah. How do you inner resource yourself. Yeah. What tools have you got? Um, and part of that inner resourcing is that. You know, I suppose part unraveling Yeah. Releasing some of the tension, but no intentions there to then be able to, you know, to, to release and let go. Mm. And, um, yeah, there's lots of different ways and tools, you know, that we can get to that. Yeah. Um, but um, yeah, it's, um, there's something else I was gonna say to, to that. Um. That stage. Yeah.'cause people often come with the big, I want to do the processing, I want to do the. Which just kind of speaks a bit to the psychedelic, psychedelic journeys. People think that they want to go get it over and done with in one.
Carly:Yeah, in
Laura:one sitting.
Carly:Because if you can or if you can, you bust through it, which is, again, it's that mentality of if I just pushed through, it'll be done. Yeah. And I've been there myself. I remember being like that and thinking, okay, oh, it's that time. I need to, yeah, I need to go through this. And it's like, no, you don't. You don't need to go through it that way. Yeah.
Laura:Yeah. Absolutely. So, so, yeah. So whilst psychedelic experiences can be helpful mm-hmm. They're not generally something that stabilizes kind of long term. Yeah. However, there is a huge amount of, you know, interest now a lot of research being done.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Around, you know. Um, treatment resistant, they would call it. Mm-hmm. You know, depression, the use of ketamine and, um, some of the more common, I suppose, psychedelics. Yeah. Um, but, you know, ultimately the. The path still needs to be walked. Yeah.
Carly:No matter what happens or what you do. That's this. It's the chalkboard carry water, isn't it? As sometimes I have to remind people that there's there's no real getting away from doing the dishes.
Laura:Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But it can be, it can be a bit easier when you've got a community around you. Yeah. You've got somebody to hold space for you. Yeah. Um, you know for sure. I know I've needed that massively. Yeah. You know, throughout my, um, my journey and still, you know, still do,
Carly:yeah. Um,
Laura:you know, that's part of, I suppose some of my pride based, um, adaptations. You know, when I was. Had I gone through my life is that belief that I'm independent and I can do this all on my own. Yes. You know, I don't need anybody, you know, that was very much a, a mindset, you know, that I, that I had, but it's just, it's just a pride protection. Yeah. As a per probably hiding some of the shame, but, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So, so yeah, it's, um. It's a, it's a, it needs to be a gentle unfolding. Yeah. And that, that inner resourcing and, you know, getting some of the tools in place can take time. And that's, but that's where I think it's been helpful for me to differentiate between, we have somatic practices. Mm. But we also have. Somatic therapy. So yeah, there's a whole range of things that would fall into what a somatic practice is. Yeah. And you know. God, anything that, you know, connects to the, to the body. And then somatics is obviously getting added into a lot of things. You know, this is thematic yoga now. Well, what's that then? What's the difference between that?
Carly:Yeah. And,
Laura:and, and the way I understand it is that you take the time to slow that down. We need to slow it down to be able to, um, in, in. Well, it's to have that intraception Yeah. To be able to feel where we feel that in the body. Um, so if you've just generated, I know some. Energy, if you like. So maybe you've just done some quite vigorous, um, yoga. It's then taking the time to integrate that. Mm-hmm. So you, you slur right down and then be able to sense where you can feel that and all of that is helping with that kind of body man connection. Yeah. So some, everyone's on a, you know, a kind of a different journey there in terms of how cut off they are from the body. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You know, I, I'm really acutely aware sometimes I might do like a a, a workshop. You know, a public workshop and I'll do a, I'll just think, oh, it's quite tr I try to be trauma informed wherever I can. Mm-hmm. And, um, I might just stick with something relatively sick, um, and ask people to connect with their feet. Mm-hmm. And everyone sits there like pretending that they're connecting with their feet. I know there's a good many people in that room who've, who were going. I can't feel my feet. Yeah. I can't sense my feet. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you can, you know, when you move the feet and press the feet. Yeah. But actually sensing down into different areas of the body. Yeah. You know, there's just maybe nothing there. Yeah. There's, there's numbness. Yeah. But there's various practices that, you know, help to build that body mind kind of connection. And that, you know, as I've mentioned, you know, could be yoga.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:It could be. Dance. Mm-hmm. It could be martial arts, it could be breath work, it could be, you know, yoga nidra. Um, yeah. There's just, yeah. Trauma tension release. Um, oh,
Carly:singing. Yeah. Camping. Yeah. And for me it was strength training. Funnily enough, yes. Because I hadn't made that connection, and it took me three months of trying to squeeze my shoulder blades together to get any sensation, you know, because I was so cut off at that point. So when just the first inkling came on board. It just started that. Oh yeah. This is interesting because I've never had that before. And so something as simple as that. I mean, you, you might not think of that as being a thing that could open the door, but it's any way to connect to the body, isn't it? But as you say, that sensitivity of the needing to hold somebody, um, so they can take their time because yeah, you can be impatient with yourself. You can think, especially when it gets a bit tough. Oh, that's me done. Now, normally at the point when you're probably about to turn some kind of corner or have some kind of gentle breakthrough is normally the part where you go, yeah, I think I'm all right. I'm done. I'm done. Um, so you can tell they've both walked this path, but yeah. And it's having that person that's the guide that can say, actually stay with it or. Do you know what? Perhaps it's not done. Maybe what about this? And it is that guidance, isn't it? And being held and having an observer.'cause even though as body based as you are, the, the mind will jump in and rescue and'cause it's worked before or being the the youth before. So makes perfect sense. But yeah, just allowing the slowness, which is not what we get taught and it's still not the messaging that's out there. So being able to take down mean even, I dunno. I'm curious actually, as a practitioner, how has that been for you?'cause I know for me, as somebody that does things slowly, gently, and I'm sort of in the fitness world, fitness, well, wellness foot in both camps, I think that's where I, I'm at the moment. But because I've always been quite a slower, quieter person to process, but the, the flashy go, go, go is what seems to sell or seems to be promoted. It can be hard to hold yourself as that person that. Does things slowly and not to be pulled into trying to do things other people's way. I mean, has, has there been that been part of your journey as well? I know because you've gone in as a, well, you've, you've had other things haven't you, in your previous job and things. But yeah, I just wondered how, how that feels to you in today's society and what
Laura:came to mind? There was six months before I left my, um, job as a mental health practitioner mm-hmm. Was that I was. More embodying the, let's say, a more regulated nervous system. Yeah. And trying not to, well, to be more aware of those impulses. Mm-hmm. For why am I saying yes? Why am I what? You know what, just, I suppose going meta really on, on, on, yeah. What I was doing and then, and then analyzing that or, yeah. An inquiry. Yeah. And, and then realizing how often that I was doing things to hold a connection with other people.
Carly:Hmm.
Laura:Um, what I mean by that is wanting to be liked.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Wanting to be, um, seen as someone that was. Reliable and all of the things. Yeah. You know, and I got an an, an enormous amount of self-worth from from that. So when you start to unpack some of that and step away and actually not just change your behavior Yeah. Then yeah, people around you start, you start to notice. Yeah. But then there was that pull. I used to, I, I used to feel this pull, especially when I was around other people that were like very much in a sympathetic nervous system state. Yeah. There's that feeling of getting I needed to match their nervous system. Yeah. And then being, just being aware of that and being able to again, just kind of, you know, center myself, ground myself, you know. And just be aware that I, I, I don't need to do those things. Yeah. But then within all of that, there's been, it's not been easy sometimes.'cause there's sometimes this feeling of who am I then if I'm not, if I'm not that person. Yeah. You know, who is? Who, who am I, I suppose, and I'm asking that question all of the time, and I, you know, that's part of meditation is to just keep going deeper and deeper into,
Carly:yeah.
Laura:Into, into that. And what am I, and, and who is Laura? Mm-hmm. You know, I'm aware of the Laura that is having this conversation, you know, and. But there's a deep, you know, there's that, that, that deeper layer. Yeah. And, and I think, you know, that that's what we touch into when we get into those moments of ventral vagal. Mm-hmm. That's, that's part of that, what a lot of people might call source or, um. The sea of consciousness, the pattern, I dunno, there's lots of names, but awareness itself, you know, um, it can be like, yeah, it's got a lot of names. Yeah. Um, but being able to yeah. Touch into that. But then there is still the person that I call Laura, who you call Laura, who, you know, shows up and, and I, I don't know, part of that desire to. I dunno, part of that desire to move into being a full-time somatic therapist, I think is, you can't separate that out from the journey that I'm, the personal journey that I'm having. Yeah. Um, and yeah, I dunno how much, how far I could have gone with that, staying that old identity of the person I was at work. Yeah. In, in the work that I did, although I, I was acutely aware that I was changing and that was changing and Yeah. And I know that people fed back to me that, you know, they could see that, they could see that change. Yeah. And it wasn't just, you know, this was three years post getting sober. Yeah. You know, a lot of people saw me go through a lot of changes during that time, but yeah, this kind of, yeah, continued and, um, yeah, so. As I've done several times on this interview is forgotten
Carly:the original question. That's fine. The story is interesting anyway. Um, so yeah, I'd actually like to circle back to more of that community that you touched on because, uh, like I say, there's so much that we can do in community and I feel that's part of that holding is not just that one-to-one, but also. The witnessing of others then witnessing you. And that is really powerful, sort of from what I know, from what I do. So, uh, yeah, tell us more about how that's changed and unfolded.'cause I know you were. Starting something when we last spoke on here. Um, I know we've spoken since, but, um, yeah. What's, what's, how's that changed? What's that like now?
Laura:Yeah. Well, women's circles mm-hmm. That was never part of my plan and that dropped in just quite organically, I think. And so they're in person and I've. I've really felt, and, well, first of all, just being able to create a space, um, for women to just come and to rest, to allow the children to drop, you know, and, and I, you know, might be just a simple grounding, centering when we first arrive, and then have maybe a bit of a share, a bit of a, a theme. Mm-hmm. And I use Yoga Nira as part of my women's circle. Mm-hmm. Which is, for those that dunno is, um, yoga, but laid down. Yeah. The idea is you, it's a, it's a process of letting go. Mm-hmm. Um, which is like a surrender, you know, and a lot of how we get in our own work is not being able to, you know, let go. Release trust, all of those things that surrender. Yeah, we, yeah. Continually need to surrender to, yeah. All sorts. I suppose that process going into the women's circle was, I didn't quite know. I'd never been to a women's circle, so I didn't, which was a good thing. Yeah. And I didn't have anything to compare it against, and I suppose, yeah, I just relied on the fact that. Bring, bring your tools, Laura. Bring what you've, what you've learned. Mm-hmm. And yeah, the, the rest will kind of unfold from there, which it has done and it still is doing. And, and it's just really, really, I can just see how much needed it is. Mm-hmm. Some, you know, women and they're not all of the middle age menopausal age, although. A great deal of them are. Yeah. Um, I have had quite a lot of young women and Yeah. Women carrying so much. Mm-hmm. And a lot of what they are carrying is sometimes of their own, you know, expectation that they have on themselves and that feeling sometimes that they need to keep doing what they've always been doing. And there is something, there is something. Very healing to hear another woman talk about their process or maybe where, where they're at. And not every woman needs to talk either. There's um, there's a huge part of listening and in fact, when I started moving into these types of healing spaces and containers
Carly:mm-hmm.
Laura:As an, as a talker, I needed to antidote my tendency of talking to, to listen more.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:To not feel that I had to respond every time to Yeah. To really work that muscle. Yeah. And I always, yeah, offer that as a invitation to people, you know? And if you are the quiet person that never speaks, maybe. Maybe, you know, it's, it's an opportunity to find your voice.
Carly:Yeah.
Laura:Um, and yeah, so coming into a, a space, um, like that, even just for two hours a month, you can clearly see for some women that that's probably the only two hours that they've given to themselves that month. Yeah. Um, you know, so that's, that's huge. Yeah. So, so there's no, there's no magic. Um, the magic is, yeah. Is the energy, the, the, you know, and knowing that every woman, even though they might not know it or feel it, but that they have got everything they need. Yeah. Got all of that wisdom and you know, their. It's just, it's just reaching it. Yeah. It's just giving them that opportunity to, yeah. To find that part of themselves that's been hidden and buried under the mountain of responsibility. Mm-hmm. Pressure, you know. Painful past experiences, you know, whatever that Yeah. That may be. Um, and I also have online as well. Mm-hmm. Um, very recently started a membership, which is my heart somatics membership. So this is an online space for nervous system regulation, first and foremost. But we use the, I suppose, the structure of a circle as what I call a core connection circle.
Carly:Yeah. They're
Laura:coming together in connection, even if, even if it is online and we're just looking at little squares on the, on the, yeah. But the energetic is is that connection of, of, of the circle. Yeah. And. That's a, that's a weekly touch point for, for people. That's not just for women either. Yeah. Um, I do, although I don't have any men, I'm sure they're there somewhere. Yeah. And. Yeah, it, it, there is, there's self-led material mm-hmm. For people to, um, work through as well. So I, I'm really encouraging people to kind of work. So some, the hat somatics is, is, I suppose it's not a method. Mm-hmm. It's, it's a map. Yeah. There, they kind of like signpost to orientate this part of someone's journey. Yeah. You know, they're on a, they're on a flashy. Um, do these three things and you will get this. There is no hacks or Yeah. Promises or quick fixes. But this is, you know, this is a genuine, um, authentic mm-hmm. For me. Um, and that's important for me that, that it is, and. That I get to walk alongside people for that part of their journey. Yeah.'cause it is only a fraction, you know, really of it. Yeah. And, and yeah, so we have eight domains of perhaps somatics, so things like inner safety and regulation first and foremost, and then emotional feeling, an emotional flow. Living what matters? Um, mindfulness and, um, stillness. Yeah. And what's coming next month? Body awareness and vitality. Um, so the, so we have these kind of themes. There's some material, there's a library of guided somatic practices. Yeah. Um, I'm encouraging people obviously to. To start a daily somatic practice. Yeah, whatever that might look like. That could just be five minutes. Um, or it could be 20 minutes, you know, it could be a guided practice of some, you know, of a meditation that is in the library, or it could be of which I really encourages people to follow their own intuition. Yeah. To follow up their body needs. Yeah. Um, and really trust in that, you know? Yeah. Um, so that's, yeah, so that's Heart Somatics, really My heart Somatics cycle membership, which I'm, um, yeah, again. It just seems to have evolved quite organically. Yeah. And it, it feels, I'm very passionate about it and, um, and growing it for sure. Yeah. And, and what has dropped in for me in the last two weeks is a vision of, in the new year and probably with the seasons, uh, a winter, a spring, a summer, and a. Autumn, winter. Have I set'em all? Yeah, I think so. Only four. Yes. Yeah. So seasonally having a, an immersion day. Yeah. Which would be open to, you know, people outside of the membership, but first and foremost it will be, um, for people in the membership to Yeah. To to be in community, in person. Yeah. Um, which I'm, yeah, I'm really excited to. To kind of to bring however that might look like. I
Carly:don't
Laura:know. We don't need to know.
Carly:No, and it just really has been quite a journey of trust, a feeling of. Allowing things to unfold. And I think the, the main theme here is that self trust, um, like I say, that's something I've needed to lean into myself. That's something we both align very much on, is that trust in the stillness and that you will feel and hear what you need to, and being able to take those steps knowing you've got that in a baseline. That you can always return back to regardless of the outcomes. So yeah, some really beautiful offerings there. Um, so how can people find you, get in touch with you, maybe interact with heart somatics? Yeah. Yeah. So I've got a website
Laura:now. Yeah. Which I'm sure you'll link in there. I will link in the show notes. I will. Yes. It's just somatic wellness.com and yeah. So landing in there you would find what you need to find. My offerings are over in the Somatic Wellness Hub, which is linked to from my website. Yeah. Um, but I'd say yeah, that's the main, the main, the main space. Yeah. And, um, yeah, people can maybe, you know. Reach me via email if Yeah. But I do offer a free connection call. Yeah. Um, which again, you can find on my website. So if you, you know, if somebody thinks that this is something they'd like to explore, whether that's via the membership or through the one-to-one therapy that I, um, that I do offer, which is online also, but I, I do offer in person. Um, I do have a, a therapy space at home. Yeah. Um, but you know. Um, it doesn't have to be in person and. Yeah. Um, so a co connection, a connection call, um, is, uh, free. Yeah. Yeah. The, um, happy to talk to people in a bit more depth really about Yeah. Where they're at and, you know, potentially if I, I've got, yeah. If I've got something that I can offer and. And we're a good fit. Yeah.'cause that's important. Um, not for everybody. Yeah. Thankfully.
Carly:Yeah. There's only so much Laura to, to share and Yeah. That's a good thing. It's about finding your tribe and the right people. But yeah. But thank you very much for sharing with us today. It's been quite a journey. It's always amazing to touch base with you and find out where you're up to. So maybe we
Laura:can, yeah. Do it again next year, Kelly? Yeah. We'll book in for next
Carly:year. Oh, thanks so much, Laura. Thanks
Laura:for having me. No, it's been a pleasure.
Carly:Thank you for listening to Rooted in Presence. I hope you took so much value from Laura's journey and what she shared today. I know I have, so if you want to get in touch with Laura, her details are in the show notes.. So until next week, may you walk with presence, live with compassion. And remember, you already carry everything you need.