084: 5 Thing I'd Never Say to a MIDLIFE Woman (But the Fitness Industry Still Does)

In this episode of The Strong Bones Coach Podcast, Carly dives into the outdated advice still being thrown at women in midlife and why it's time to leave it behind. From “just eat less and move more” to myths about lifting weights and willpower, we explore the real reasons these messages don’t work (and what to do instead).

Learn how hormonal changes in menopause affect your body, why strength training is essential for bone health and confidence, and how to reconnect with your own needs without guilt.

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Transcript

Carly: 0:37

Hello and welcome back to the Strong Bones Coach Podcast. I'm your host, Carie Killen, your coach and your guide walking with you on your journey to becoming your most strong, confident self in midlife. So this week I am speaking to those of you that are navigating your midlife and menopause transitions right now as I do each week. But have you been feeling like the fitness industry lately? Just doesn't get you. Well, today's episode is hopefully going to feel like a deep exhale for you. I'm going to be tackling five things. I would never say to a midlife woman, but unfortunately the fitness industry often still does. You may have heard some of these phrases for years. Maybe you've even said them to yourself. It's time to leave those behind and make room for something better. So let's get into it. Let's start with the first one. An absolute classic, not entirely wrong, but still unhelpful, just eat less and move more. So when it comes to fat loss, this is technically correct when we're talking about the energy balance, the energy going in from what we eat and drink versus the energy we expend when we are moving our bodies and basically just living life. Of course, the way these are balanced is gonna influence the levels of our body fat, however. In the landscape of our midlife perimenopause journeys. It's just very unhelpful. So I would never say this to a woman in midlife, not because nutrition and movement don't matter because they do. But this advice just lacks so much context, compassion, and any real depth. As we know, you are navigating a very different hormonal landscape. It's changing. It's shifting. The estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, they're moving around. It can feel like a real rollercoaster at this time of life, and this also impacts your metabolism. That shifts too, how your body stores fats, how you build muscle, and even how well you recover from exercise. So perhaps instead of eat less, we can focus on shifting the narrative to nourish your body better, whether that's more protein to support your muscle repair, calcium and vitamin D to support your bones and making sure you get enough energy to feel good, not depleted. This will lead to much more quality movements and perhaps instead of just moving more, we can move smarter with more purpose. Perhaps focusing more on your strength training that doesn't deplete your energy in the same way, but still supports your muscle retention. And of course, walking counts. Some of the countries with the longest lifespan, those blue dot areas have one thing in common, and that is how much they walk. So if in doubt. If you can and get some walking in. I know we don't have to all always call it steps either. And of course something else that is often forgotten is breathing. So using breathwork to move into that rest and digest state sooner rather than later, it can help to combat some of that menopause anxiety that we get, especially as the hormones are shifting and life is just getting busier. Rest is a strategy, not a reward that needs to be earned. Moving on to number two. Don't lift heavy. It'll make you bulky. This is one of my personal bug bears. It's something that showed up in my early days in the gym. I mean, what does being bulky even mean? Anyway, it's a Very much outdated way of thinking about things and also makes assumptions about what we might want to do with our body. Now, personally, when I very first started the gym, I wanted to look a bit more muscular. I wanted more muscle definition. Perhaps some women might have thought what I was aiming for was bulky. It wasn't, by the way. But not only is this false, again, it's telling somebody what they can do. Or should do with their body, which to me is just not on. So let's just clarify. Nobody accidentally bulks up even if you wanted to, and especially not in midlife. What I see far more often is women struggling to build and maintain their lean muscle mass, which is key for protecting your bones and strength as your estrogen declines. So when I was told the same thing years ago, handed a program of lightweights high reps with no discussion of my goals, my body, or my stage of life. It only led to disappointments and frustration. And you know what? I didn't feel stronger. I didn't feel empowered, I felt bored, unsure, and like I wasn't even making progress. So what would I say now? Lift heavy for you. It might be three kilos, it might be 30 kilos or more, depends what you're doing. But it's all about the right dose to challenge and stimulate your muscles, your bones, and improve the function of your body. And of course, how can you feel good too? So if lifting weights is something that cause you concern, you are worried about getting bulky and saying that in air quotes, perhaps it's time to let go of that belief. Get some help from a coach that can help you move well. Choose appropriate weights for you so you can get strong, feel steady, and feel super, super confident. Next one. Number three, you just need more willpower, so no, absolutely. That is not it. Willpower is just not the issue. For most midlife women, the issue here is really that nervous system fatigue, decision fatigue, and years of overriding your own needs. You are often juggling your career caring for teens or aging parents, navigating that emotional, physical, and those hormonal shifts. It's understandable that your body and your mind are gonna call into question anything that's might not be the best thing for you. It's no wonder that. You don't feel like going to that fifth hit class per week or driving your calories super low. Over these years, we've developed a lot of wisdom. Whether you have it up front of mind or not, underneath it, all our bodies do actually know what we need. So what do I say? Now? Let's look at your capacity, not just your commitments. So you don't always need to push harder. You need a strategy that includes compassion, flexibility, and consistency that works with your life and your values not against it. Number four, you need to lose weight to be healthy. Well, no, I disagree. And of course I'm not talking about healthy fat loss here or making the choice to change your body in ways that you desire or through healthy means of shedding excess body fat that is unwanted. I'm talking about those times when you just feel the need to achieve a weight that you used to weigh perhaps when you were younger, or a size that you feel you need to be to be socially acceptable. So I'm here to tell you, your weight does not define your worth, and it doesn't even tell the full story of your health, your bone density, your muscle mass, your cardiovascular fitness, balance, sleep, stress, energy, hormones, they all matter. So yes, your body composition might shift in menopause and it highly likely will, but constantly chasing that scale, weight loss at the expense of strength, confidence and quality of life is just not the answer. And my focus now is in helping women build strength, preserve muscle and bone mass, and feeling empowered in their bodies, not smaller. And finally. As I've grown into my midlife years, I've heard this one coming up more and more. Even something that I feared myself, and that is midlife is the beginning of the end, and this one breaks my heart a little bit. I know some days might feel like that, but I promise midlife is not an end. It's a turning point, a threshold, an opportunity to see what's on the other side, and this season of life can actually incredibly powerful. Almost serving as a second spring. The time to reconnect with yourself, redefine your goals, and create a body and life that support you. Now, this is your time to shine through your menopause, not just survive it. So if you've internalized any of these outdated beliefs, you're not alone. We've all absorbed messages that perhaps don't serve us anymore, but now you get the opportunity to rewrite the script. You absolutely deserve support that honors your life stage. You deserve strength. Not being told to shrink. You deserve to thrive, not just cope. So if you're ready to start that journey, I'm here to help. Whether it's through my One-to-one coaching or my Strong Bones Club, I'm here to help me with practical tools, evidence-based strategies, and a whole lot of compassion. Check out the show notes to access my link, to book a free one-to-one clarity call 30 minutes where we go through your goals and what you need to do next. We've worked this out together and of course, if this episode resonated, please share it with a friend or leave a review. It helps others find the way to be empowered, vibrant living too. So until next time, stay strong. Take care.