074: Are You Stuck In the Midlife Comparison Trap? Stop Measuring Yourself Against Your Younger Self

Are you still trying to get back to the weight or body you had in your 20s? 

You’re not alone. Many women in midlife find themselves caught in the comparison trap—measuring their current bodies and strength against a younger version of themselves. But what if the real goal isn’t about going back, but moving forward with confidence and freedom?

In this episode, I share a powerful client story that perfectly illustrates how redefining success now can help you let go of old expectations and embrace the strength, energy, and joy you actually want in midlife.

We’ll explore:
✅ Why weight loss isn’t always the answer to happiness
✅ How midlife’s mental and emotional load can shape our body image
✅ Practical ways to reconnect with what truly matters right now
✅ How strength, boundaries, and self-care are your real freedom

Ready to break free from outdated goals and step into your strongest season yet? Hit play now!

Ready for personalised support? Book a free 30-minute Clarity Call to uncover your next best steps → carlykillen.com

Thanks for listening to the Strong Bones Coach Podcast

If you'd like to get in touch to ask a question about today's episode or to find out how you can get support from my coaching, reach out on the following links:

hello@carlykillencoaching.com

https://www.instagram.com/thestrongbonescoach

Thanks for listening to The Strong Bones Coach Podcast!

If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: hello@carlykillencoaching.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach

Do you crave unshakable confidence in your strength from midlife and beyond? Would you love to achieve your goals without sacrificing family time or self-care?

Ready to take your strength to the next level? Start building a stronger body and healthier bones with my Strong Bones Starter Kit—your step-by-step guide to safe and effective strength training at home.
👉 Click here to learn more and access today

🌟 Stay connected and inspired with daily wellness tips on Instagram @thestrongbonescoach.
🌟 For tailored advice or personal queries, email me at hello@carlykillencoaching.com.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨

Transcript

Carly: 0:37

Hello and welcome to the Strong Bones Coach podcast with me, your host, Carly Killen, menopause strength coach. And welcome back again to another week, making our way through the year. I don't know about you, but for me, it's going super, super fast. So yeah, I'd love to hear back how the year is going for you so far. So for today's episode, I want to start with a question. Have you ever looked back at your old photo and thought, I just want to get back to that size. I just want to be like that again. Or I used to be so much stronger, fitter, more confident. If you find yourself looking back at old versions of you and reminiscing and perhaps romanticizing The day's gone by. You are not alone. Midlife brings a lot of changes. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. And it's so easy to compare yourself to your younger self. And feel like you're falling short. And here's the thing, the younger self didn't have that wisdom, strength or resilience that you have today. So perhaps clinging on to those old versions of you, whether that is your weight, body shape, your strength, could well be holding you back from what you really want. So today, We're going to unpack this comparison trap and explore how you can move forward with self acceptance, redefine your progress, and start showing up for the version of you that exists today, not the one from decades ago. So let's start with comparison. What is the true cost of this? And where is it hidden? Now comparing ourselves to our younger selves is totally normal. We might see old photos, remember how things felt. Reminiscing, reliving happy memories. And we might find ourselves treating this as a goal, something we need to return to. And of course it's amazing to relive happy memories. But when we focus too much on the past, it gives us a problem. Because we're just not the same person anymore. Our lives, our bodies, our priorities evolve. They change. This is normal. So holding on to old numbers, whether this is a weighted dress size, old personal bests for lifts, this can lead to frustration, disappointment, maybe even self sabotage. So instead of providing us that motivation. They can actually start to steal our joy that exists right now because we're measuring success by outdated standards. I just want to share with you a client story. Actually, it's a bit of a mix of a few clients rolled into one. Many of the ladies I work with do share a lot of the same concerns, goals, dreams, hopes, and similarities in their lives. So this client that I worked with really had what I might say a fixation on losing weight. Every dieting attempt ended in frustration and she'd find herself constantly snacking more and more and feeling weaker in the gym. When we checked in on her body composition, her measurements, her body fat percentages, there was no true reason for her to lose weight. She was not holding on to excessive body fat. It would actually have been to her detriment to attempt to lose further weight. and aside from perhaps misplaced goals, she was in a great place physically. So, when I asked her why she was so set on this specific number on a scale, her response was, that was the weight I was at when I was my happiest. Does this resonate with you? I've certainly been here myself as well. So no shame, no blame here, just support. This is such a common thing that I come across. It's something I struggled with myself for so many years. So we decided we would dig deeper and what we found was. Of course, this goal was not about the weight at all, it was about what she associated that weight with. It was freedom, joy, confidence. So the real work became about helping her reconnect with what actually made her feel that happiness, that confidence, her ability to set those boundaries, create time for herself and enjoy life now. And the result? She was finally able to let go of pressure to chase that number. She started fueling her body properly. She felt stronger than ever. Physically, emotionally, she's finally able to start living. And this is what we want. This is what I want for everybody. We're here to live a life, not to chase numbers, false metrics, perhaps standards set by somebody else. So it gave me great joy and great pleasure to just see her start to blossom, to bloom, when she could finally let go of this, this old goal, this version of herself that she really was ready to move on from. And this is the joy I get from working with my clients, to walk that path towards finding what they need now, who they are now. who they want to be as they move forward into their midlife and beyond. Hmm. So if this sounds anything like you and you want to shift your mindset to this new way of thinking, so you can truly embrace your life going forward without feeling stuck on your past, here are some ways we could start to shift that mindset. How to find your strength in the now. Number one, focus on strength Every size. Your body is changing, and that doesn't mean it's getting worse. So instead of chasing an odd number on the scales, focus on what your body can do today. And yes, of course, if you have unwanted body fat, and this is needed to be lost for your health, of course we can look at that. It's about doing what's right for you, in the now, to help you go forward. I am not anti weight loss in any way. And again we can focus on strength training, supportive nutrition and movement that feels good. It's going to serve you far better than trying to shrink yourself unnecessarily. Number two, check in on your real goal. Take a moment to ask yourself, is it really about the number or is it about how I want to feel? If the goal is confidence, energy, freedom, there are so many ways to get there that don't involve the scales. And if that's something you want some help with, you can just get in touch with me on my email, carlykillnpt at gmail. com or head over to my website to book a free clarity call. Moving on to number three, rewrite your success metrics. So instead of measuring your success by weight, dress size, what you can lift, perhaps we can look at how strong do you feel? How well do you sleep? How steady is your energy? How much joy you get to experience? And how is your ability to set boundaries and say no when you need to? These are all going to serve you so much more, moving forward in your life. And finally, create a vision for your future self. Some questions while you're here, perhaps you want to journal on them if journaling is your thing, and if not, just allow it to sit in your brain, perhaps an answer will pop into your head when you next go for a walk. So consider, what do you want this stage of life to feel like? How can you start making choices that align with that vision? And this is about building your strongest, most confident midlife self. We're not trying to recreate the past here. Allow yourself to dream of how you want things to be. Of course, your future is not yet written, so you get to create this. So here's my challenge to you. Can you start shifting your focus from what was to what is? Can you meet yourself where you are today and build a version of strength and confidence that works for you at this stage of your life? So if this resonated with you and you're ready to stop chasing outdated numbers and start creating a body and a life that feels strong and empowered, right now, I'd love to help. I invite you to book a clarity call via the link in the show notes at CarlyKillen. com. Let's have a chat about what's been holding you back and create a plan that truly works for you. And that's it for this week, a short and sweet episode, and I'm looking forward to you joining me again next week. So for now, stay strong and take care.