063: Take Control of Your Holidays: Setting Boundaries That Work

The holiday season is here, and while we hope for it to be joyful, it can often feel overwhelming. Between family commitments, work deadlines, and endless to-do lists, finding time for yourself might seem impossible. 

But what if this year could be different?

In this episode of The Strong Bones Coach Podcast, we explore how setting nurturing boundaries can help you reclaim your energy, reduce stress, and take control of your holiday season.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• What boundaries really are and why they matter for your mental and physical well-being.
• Signs you might need a boundaries check-in.
• Simple, actionable steps to set boundaries that actually work.
• How boundaries can create consistency in self-care, strength training, and other healthy habits.

This isn’t about saying no to everything, it’s about saying yes to what truly matters. If you’re ready to enjoy a holiday season that feels balanced and true to your needs, this episode is for you.

Plus, I’m hosting a free workshop, Shine Stronger: Reclaim Your Nurturing Boundaries, on Thursday, December 12th, at 7 PM UK time. 

This 60-minute session will help you create your own “Boundaries Bill of Rights” so you can navigate the holiday season with confidence and ease.

Click the link below to reserve your free spot for this fabulous workshop.

https://carlykillen.com/shine-stronger-free

I can’t wait to see you there!

Thanks for listening to the Strong Bones Coach Podcast

If you'd like to get in touch to ask a question about today's episode or to find out how you can get support from my coaching, reach out on the following links:

hello@carlykillencoaching.com

https://www.instagram.com/thestrongbonescoach

Thanks for listening to The Strong Bones Coach Podcast!

If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: hello@carlykillencoaching.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach

Do you crave unshakable confidence in your strength from midlife and beyond? Would you love to achieve your goals without sacrificing family time or self-care?

Ready to take your strength to the next level? Start building a stronger body and healthier bones with my Strong Bones Starter Kit—your step-by-step guide to safe and effective strength training at home.
👉 Click here to learn more and access today

🌟 Stay connected and inspired with daily wellness tips on Instagram @thestrongbonescoach.
🌟 For tailored advice or personal queries, email me at hello@carlykillencoaching.com.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨

Transcript

Carly: 0:37

Hello and welcome to the Strong Bones Coach podcast with me, your host Carly Killen. So today's episode is a special one because we are diving into something that can be especially important during the holiday season. It's important at any time, but it really does come up at this time of year and I've already been hearing the talk for the last few weeks, so it is time to talk boundaries. The holidays can be magical, but they can bring some stress, maybe a lot of stress, especially if you're feeling pulled in multiple directions or struggling to carve out time for yourself. As midlife women, many of us are navigating those menopause symptoms, busy family schedules, work commitments, all while managing the expectations of other people too. I've been there, I have felt that pull so many times to say yes to everyone, until I realised it was costing me my health, my peace, and my joy. So if you can relate to this, this episode is for you. We're going to be diving into what boundaries are, why they matter, especially during midlife and menopause, signs that a boundaries check might be needed, and some simple steps to start setting boundaries that nurture your life. And at the end I'll share with you how boundaries can support your physical health by creating the consistency you need for strength training, self care, and perhaps some better habits. And I have something special to share with you too. I'll talk to you about a upcoming workshop we have. Where you're going to learn how to tailor these boundaries into your life. So if that all sounds good to you, let's get started. So what are boundaries and why do they matter? The way I see it, boundaries are a little like those invisible lines that define what is okay and what is not okay for you. They are a great way to protect your time, energy, emotional well being, as well as allowing you to show up in your life with more balance and authenticity. I'm personally finding, for myself and my clients, everyone I talk to that is in this women's health space, that during the menopausal boundaries become even more important because we have so many hormonal changes that can leave us feeling more tired, more prone to overwhelm, or perhaps more sensitive to stress. It's a time of life where we might find ourselves juggling family responsibilities, work, caring for ageing parents, perhaps. And of course, alongside all of that, those physical symptoms, things like brain fog, fatigue, perhaps extra aches and pains, can just make it all feel harder to cope with. Especially if we've over committed. So without healthy boundaries, it's easy to feel drained, resentful, or burned out. And I'm speaking from experience here. But boundaries are also the foundation for building new habits. So if you've ever tried to start something new, if you started going to the gym, trying to make time to cook healthier meals, scheduling in moments for self care, boundaries are what are going to allow you to create that consistency and protect your time. We've all gone through that experience of having a self care to do list, having our gym time or going to a class time planned in, but something comes up last minute. And I've done this myself, so no, no judgment, no shame, but we just so often put our needs aside in that moment. So it is important that we start to communicate our needs with others, whether that is asking for help or simply saying no. It creates the space needed for those activities to truly become part of your routine. So just think of boundaries as an act of self care. Maybe they allow you to preserve your energy for what truly matters. Your health, your loved ones, and your joy. So let's look at how do we know we need that boundaries check in. If you have not been able to put boundaries in place or if you're not sure if they're being honoured or if perhaps you're holding them up, there will be signs. So here are some signs that boundaries might need your attention. Firstly you might find you're saying yes when you want to say no. Whether that's hosting an event, baking extra treats or cakes for school when you don't have time, taking on extra work, or you're agreeing things out of a feeling of guilt or obligation. You might feel resentful or exhausted. The resentment is often a clue that your boundaries have been crossed and that you haven't set them clearly in the first place. Again, this episode is not a place for shame. I just want to name these things that are happening. I recognise them all for myself, which is why I'm This episode is particularly near and dear to me. Third one, if you find yourself constantly multitasking, if you never have a moment to breathe or rest, it might be time to reassess how you are spending your energy. And lastly, but I'm sure not the only sign, you're finding your goals are constantly on the back burner. If you've wanted to start something like strength training, improving your nutrition, making time for self care, but there's always something else that comes up, It's a sign that your boundaries might need some tweaking. So how are we going to change this? Well there are some simple steps you can take to explore setting some boundaries. They don't have to be complicated or dramatic and I've been through this experience myself where Sometimes things just feel like enough is enough, and then the foot comes down, and we feel like we need to set very strong boundaries, perhaps, maybe even, well from my experience, harshly worded at times, this is a sign that we've let things go a little too far. So, if you can create a little moment to yourself to, Look at this. There are ways that you can set boundaries more gently that feel so much more aligned to you. So let's look at a few steps that you can look at taking. Firstly, just get clear on what you need. Can you take a moment to reflect what's most important for you for this holiday season or any time if you're picking this up later? Maybe it's, it's staying consistent with a gym routine. Maybe you really need to prioritize time for rest or what? Keeping your meal prep on track. These are just a few examples. And you might need to spend some quiet time figuring this out, especially if it's been a while since you've really sat down with yourself and asked yourself what you need. Spend that time to maybe write down what you need to feel good. What lights you up? When do you feel like you're best? It might be time for yourself, it might be fewer commitments, it might be more support. And when you know that, it might be better. It's time to communicate kindly and clearly. Boundaries are about expressing your needs in a way that feels respectful to you, but then also to others. Instead of that foot coming down and the exclamation of I can't do this, which I've been there enough times, we can try. Phrases such as, I'd love to help that I have more on my plate than I can handle right now. Can we look at another solution? Sometimes when we are asked to do something, it doesn't always have to be in the way that it's being asked. It doesn't always have to be at the time or the place, or maybe it doesn't even need to be you. So there's ways you can be helpful without having to take responsibility for everything, and I know sometimes it does need to be you and it does need to be that time, and that's okay. This is just a way to help you tell the difference so we don't feel like everything has to be on top priority. My personal favourite that's helped me out is the Just Let Me Check My Diary. This was one of the first boundaries I drew after years and years of saying yes to everything. I always thought I was doing people a favour, I thought I was being The best person I could be by taking on everything that was requested of me. But honestly, not only did it burn me out, I actually ended up letting people down because I got to a state where I couldn't keep all of those commitments, which was incredibly disappointing for me. I think Disappointing is an understatement. I think I was devastated to be letting people down when all I wanted to do was help and I wanted people to think I was a good person. Yes, there's a lot in that and I've done a lot of work on my self worth and self esteem since then, but that little phrase was a bit of a doorway for me. It felt so authentic because actually I do need to check my diary no matter how much I want to say yes to something. I have double booked myself too many times. So it's a boundary for others, but also for myself, not just for that self care, but it actually does reduce the risk of me letting others down by over committing. So that's just a few ways that you can start to introduce your boundaries. if you need to after doing that boundaries check in. And if it's feeling like you're not sure why you should do this, perhaps let's have a look at how boundaries can support your health and your self care. Because all too often we don't value our time. This is the thing we don't get back. I heard a phrase that says time is the only thing we spend without knowing the balance. Um, that is so true. We don't know how much time we have and so it's important that we take the best care that we can and it doesn't actually reduce our ability to help others at times as well. So boundaries don't just protect your time, they also protect your physical health and your ability to build new habits. So if you are on that health and fitness journey, if you're looking to protect your bones, support yourself, maybe even get to know yourself better, here's a few things that will be benefited by setting a few boundaries. So firstly, if you are trying to establish an exercise routine or create some consistency and strength training, then boundaries will help you create that time to actually go and get it done. Whether that is in the home or whether it's creating the time to go to the gym to get that separate time for yourself. Learning to say no for those extra commitments that might get in the way. Maybe even delegating some household tasks if you can to free up an hour or perhaps even re evaluate what is really important to get done. This can free up that extra hour or so that you might need to get that session in. Of course, finding these things in diaries. especially for me, is a great visual so I can really see what time I have. Making space for your nutrition, how we nourish ourselves is often a way we send a message to ourselves about what we think about our worth as well. So whether you're setting time aside to plan meals or perhaps communicating to your family that you need some help in the kitchen, Starting to draw these boundaries will help you prioritise the habits that will truly nourish your body. And next, we're going to look at prioritising rest and recovery. So recovery is as important as exercise. Setting a boundary might look like going to bed a little earlier, Or saying no to an evening event so you can rest if it's going to be too much of a late night for you to be able to do your day. And of course with that holiday season coming up, you might feel that pressure to overcommit, but also we might want to say yes to those odd late nights. So when we are rested, when we are At our best, our most recovered, saying yes to those extra bits here and there doesn't take so much of a toll on you. You can go enjoy that later night, that extra night out when we haven't overstretched ourselves for too long. This isn't about not doing anything. It's not about pulling back or missing out. It's saving your energy for the things that really matter to you. so that you can enjoy them. And the last one we're going to cover today, self care without guilt. Now we should never need to feel guilty for caring for ourselves, but I just know that we do at times. I don't anymore. Okay, there's the odd tweak, but then that's when I need a boundaries check in. But we have As a generation grown up with this guilt feeling and it's not necessary but it can take some undoing. So when we start to create boundaries it also creates space for that self care without that feeling of guilt or being selfish. We've communicated our needs, we've protected that time. That time is then for you. So it might mean taking 30 minutes to yourself, to journal, just to rest, maybe to do some Breathwork, who knows? But by drawing those boundaries and not only showing yourself that you are important, You're giving others permission to do this for themselves too. So if you are a parent or a carer for children, if you have loved ones in your life that maybe they need to check in on their boundaries too, you can lead the way on this. Perhaps you'll inspire others to take better care of themselves too. So this episode has been quite the whistle stop tour of boundaries and I hope it's helped to give you a good introduction to how you might use boundaries for yourself. And if this episode has resonated with you and you want to dive deeper into this live with the support of me and my co creator Sian, I would love to invite you to my upcoming workshop, Shine Stronger, where you reclaim your nurturing boundaries in the workshop, which is free, by the way. We'll be diving deeper to truly understand your personal boundaries and where they need attention. You're going to be guided and supported to create your very own customised boundaries bill of rights for the holiday season. And we'll be giving you practical strategies to implement your boundaries in a way that feels empowering and kind. And of course there will be Q& A time so you get the attention of two you Menopause support coaches with other skills added to get your questions answered on the call. This is on the Thursday 12th of December so save the date and head to the show notes where you can click the link and sign up for free. This is our little holiday gift to you. So let's make this a holiday season where you feel empowered and not overwhelmed. So before we go, I would love for you to give yourself a moment to reflect what is one small boundary you can set for yourself this week. Thank you for spending time with me today. Remember boundaries are in no way selfish. They are truly a gift to yourself and those around you. So until next time, stay strong, take care.