The Strong Bones Coach Podcast

054: How To Transform Your Life in Menopause Ft. Sober Coach Laura Starky

• Carly Killen

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In this special episode of The Strong Bones Coach Podcast, Carly welcomes back Laura Starky, who shares her incredible journey from struggling with alcohol and isolation to finding strength, wellness, and purpose. Laura talks candidly about her transformation—how she moved from using alcohol as a coping mechanism during perimenopause to embracing sobriety, yoga, and somatic therapy. 

Through strength training and support from the Strong Bones Club, she not only regained physical strength but also rebuilt her life emotionally and mentally.

Laura's story is one of empowerment, and her journey offers hope and inspiration for anyone feeling lost or overwhelmed in midlife. Learn about the practical steps she took to rediscover herself, the importance of community, and how sobriety opened doors to new opportunities for health, wellness, and personal growth.

You can get in touch with Laura on Instagram @sober.yoga.vibes

Thanks for listening to the Strong Bones Coach Podcast

If you'd like to get in touch to ask a question about today's episode or to find out how you can get support from my coaching, reach out on the following links:

hello@carlykillencoaching.com

https://www.instagram.com/thestrongbonescoach

Thanks for listening to The Strong Bones Coach Podcast!

If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: hello@carlykillencoaching.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach

Do you crave unshakable confidence in your strength from midlife and beyond? Would you love to achieve your goals without sacrificing family time or self-care?

Ready to take your strength to the next level? Start building a stronger body and healthier bones with my Strong Bones Starter Kit—your step-by-step guide to safe and effective strength training at home.
👉 Click here to learn more and access today

🌟 Stay connected and inspired with daily wellness tips on Instagram @thestrongbonescoach.
🌟 For tailored advice or personal queries, email me at hello@carlykillencoaching.com.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨

Carly:

Hello, and welcome to the strong bones coach podcast with me, your host, Carly Killen. Now, today is a very special episode where we get to see the return of one of our previous guests, which is absolutely amazing. Today, we are going to be receiving a update from Laura Starkey, who heads up. sober yoga vibes. Now she's going to tell us her wonderful story from struggling with alcohol to becoming a sobriety coach, yoga coach, and so much more, which she will tell you all about. Now, just before we move ahead, I must note that there might be some changes to how the audio sounds. We had some wonderful technical challenges where I got thrown off my laptop during our recording. So we had to restart with a change of microphone and headset to go with that too. So if there are some differences in the audio, please bear with and know that we did our best to put this wonderful episode together, with some fabulous wisdom from Laura. So without further ado, let's get started. Hi Laura. Welcome to the Strong Bones Coach podcast. It's wonderful to have you here. Thanks for having me back, Carly. Excited to get started You're so welcome. It's wonderful to have you back. It's been about a year when I checked our dates and I see so much has gone on in this last year. I just can't wait to get into it. but before we get started, could you give us a brief background about how we first got into this and where you started to pull you through to today?

Laura:

Well, it all started with the menopausal group who launched a healthy bones program which you were one of the instructors on and I was very fortunate in a group of about 20 ladies all of a certain age and temperature and we went along committed to 16 weeks twice a week and went on a journey And part of that journey was with, with you and learning how to strength train. Um, and that was in February, 2022. Um, and that was kind of like the start of my transformation.

Carly:

Yeah. Amazing. And just tell me a bit more about where you were at, cause it must feel like a lifetime ago. I know how much you've changed, but just talk us through like the state of mind you were in, how life was feeling back then.

Laura:

Yeah. It's um, yeah, it's hard to remember actually what that was like. overweight, anxiety, brain fog, you know, just no confidence. I had been, I'd had a difficult relationship with alcohol going back from Being a teenager, and I felt that things got a lot worse in the perimenopausal years, so, from into my 40s, and I was 51 when I started this journey. Well, you'd say I've I've always been on this journey, um, and it's important that I kind of, I've been integrating, I think, some of the, the parts of my earlier journey to, to where it is now. But really, yeah, finding that connection with a group of women, I was very isolated at that point. I was, um, very lonely. All, you know, all I really did was, um, yeah, have a relationship with several bottles of wine a week. Um, and I think, you know, that life stage coming, you know, knowing that, you know, your role as a mum, not necessarily coming to an end, but, you know, if there's a change on the horizon, um, you know, that was coming down the line. And just always kind of, I suppose every morning the same, the same mantra in my head was, you know, today was going to, going to be different. I kept making this promise to myself day in, day out that I was going to do something different with my life. I was going to make these changes. And a lot of the changes that I tried to do didn't last maybe more than one day. And sometimes, you know, I managed to get a little bit of control over my drinking for a few days. But yeah, generally, so making that commitment to that group was a huge step and I didn't actually quite know or believe that I was probably going to be successful at it. And I remember the hesitation and the invitation to be invited to join because I know not everybody that applied got a place. Do you know when I thought I came up with so many reasons why at that point when I got the call of why I couldn't do that program and you know that genuine, how am I going to fit it in it's two nights a week. And at that point I remember thinking, I'll sort the details out. We'll make it work, you know? So there was a bit of a, that kind of commitment really at that start of that journey. And then two weeks into the two weeks into that 16 week program, um, I, I got, I got server, um, which is a whole story

Carly:

in itself. Yeah, and when you continue to tell, which we will be getting into because it's an amazing story. But yeah, just echoing back what you said about that change point and transformation, it's always at those big phases of life, isn't it? Sometimes our teenage years, the hormonal shifts there. perimenopause, it brings those changes through. I think it can often take us to that point where we take stock of life. We start to realize that perhaps we're on the other side of how many years we might have left. We never truly know, but we have so much wisdom and awareness as well from our earlier lives. It's, I guess, a real calling to bring that all together to move forward. That's where that push comes from. Um, and I love what you're saying about how you just thought you were going to Sort the details out because I know so many ladies are going to relate to this, not only the self doubt, the isolation. But all of that self criticism, that thoughts about being worthy to receive something like this place that you, you know, you were one amongst many that, you know, some didn't get the place as you said. So to feel worthy that you were gonna do it justice to yourself after so many broken promises. And it just shows that you needed to place some trust in yourself at that point, which is quite transformative in itself. Does that resonate with you?

Laura:

Hopefully, yeah. Yeah, and it's still an ongoing theme really about feeling Feeling comfortable to, to receive, whether that is a compliment or somebody bestowing a free gift on me or offering to buy me my lunch, there is still so much eek that comes, you know, that, because we're so, I've been, and I'm sure, you know, a lot of women resonate with that. With the, I suppose the conditioning around giving all of the time, you know, as women we tend to fall into that, into that, to that role and we can give easily to other people but actually when it comes to saying, I'm going to prioritize just this, and at the end of the day, it was two hours. a week. Okay. There was a little bit of travel time there, you know, there and back, but two hours, you know, I could, I could take that from just a fraction of what I watch on TV, you know, the TV time, surfing time that I was having, you know, so, but I think at the heart of that is that who am I to deserve to, you know, to do this and to put my needs above that of my Of my son at that time. We, we made it work. You know?

Carly:

Absolutely. Even if that might have been a story you tell yourself,'cause I think I know from knowing you the benefits that's come to your son through the improvements you've made to yourself on your journey, and I think that's something that comes through as, as moms, as a mom myself as well, we start to feel. Well, you know, we feel it as guilt, even though there's no reason for us to feel guilty to spend time on ourselves, on our health. I mean, when we look at it at that perspective of 168 hours in a week, um, to take a couple of them, improving our health, that improves our longevity and our engagement with life, which ultimately benefits others. So yeah, even though we can come to this from a place of needing it to be for us. It actually gives back to others and does at the same time. So it's great that you sort of realized that because it's not easy and we definitely haven't been taught that growing up. I remember myself, the whole receiving a compliment was an actual daily practice and holding onto myself as I received thanks and to really resist the, Oh no, it's nothing. Or basically tell the other person that they're lying. so yeah, so thank you for bringing that up because I think so many women. especially struggle with that. And it's that sort of thing about good things happening for us, that can stop us from taking those steps forward. And that's what brings those excuses or reasons. I mean, they are reasons, but they don't need to be. but yeah, it's amazing that you're able to reflect on that from the other side. I'm sure many women listening to this are going to relate and I hope this is certainly going to inspire them. So that's amazing. So in terms of you've made this big change and this big decision for yourself in terms of I'm going to receive, I'm going to, commit and engage with this program. how do you think that served you when it came to giving up alcohol? Do you feel that that change point has had an impact?

Laura:

I think it, it was a pattern interrupt first and foremost, I think Looking back, we, I, as I'm sure other people may resonate as well, is that we, we, as humans, we just tend to do things on repeat and a lot of the time we do a lot of that unconsciously. We're on autopilot. Um, the brain wants to kind of repeat things which are, which are easy. So making that change to the, to the week brought that pattern interrupt, which then suppose gave way to looking at other potential change. Um, and, you know, and in some respects, Making the decision to get sober was at the point of falling ill and, and being ill in bed and, um, I don't know, I just think the universe was working in a, in a, in a wonderful way at that point. And, you know, I've talked about this with somebody else this morning, um, I was so desperately ill. but also coming off the back of a very heavy drinking weekend in, in London. I, I, I reached out, I, I don't know if you'd call it a prayer, I called out for help, not really knowing that there was anything out there, but actually I, actually I'd always believed in, I don't know, angels. I'd always had a bit of a, I've been, I suppose, quite a spiritual seeker all of my life, and that's part of being what I've been pulling together, you know. I've tried various religions, you know, Quakerism and Buddhism, and I got christened once after an alpha course, you know. So I've tried so many places, but at that moment in time it just felt a very intuitive thing to just say, I don't know what to do, you know. Can't continue like this, almost like a declaration to myself, you know, that, and that's what I've come to understand is, is surrender. Um, you know, in yoga, we, we talk about that. Um, and it, it, you know, it's a practice and, and again, not getting caught up in the how that's going to work. Instead of trying to work out the detail, it was just making that kind of declaration at that point that this is what, this is what, this is what I want. I declared that, um, I just want to quit. taking that moment by moment to begin with in those first few days. Um, I mean, I was ill anyway, so a lot of, I suppose the withdrawal was uncomfortable, but it was happening as part of being, uh, as being ill. Every day, I remember thinking the gratitude that today I've not drank. And this is after, probably a good two solid years of not one alcohol free day, um, with a real increase in my drinking and I was really frightened that I was heading for whatever full alcoholism looks like. I think it looks like what we see in the movies and you know, in the media. But you know, I think to the point of knowing that I would probably have needed a rehab detox facility that I still knew I could do this on my own. It was gonna be uncomfortable, could do it on my own, and every day was, there was never a moment that I thought I was giving anything up that just. Something in my mindset flicked at that point, and it was an absolute belief that I was doing this for all the, it was quite intuitive at times, but I've reverse engineered it, you know, I've come back to see, you know, what all of the steps were because I wasn't as consciously aware of it at the time. I mean, it was a wonderful thing, you know, it's like another day, another day, you know, I've got to five days. You know, fantastic. I can do six. Um, you know, and I know in the AA approach, they do talk about the day at a time, but it really is about the present moment and, and not playing it too far forward into the anxiety. What if? You know, how am I going to cope with, I don't know, a birthday coming up or a, you just wasn't thinking about all of those things. I was just totally concentrated on, every day I woke up with that complete gratitude of not having a hangover. And not having that same old voice telling me, that critical voice telling me, you know, What a waste of space I was for, you know, drinking again the night before, having no control, the shame every morning, you know, just not waking up with that level of shame was just, was just so liberating. And I think what fueled me to keep going every day, don't get me wrong, you know, there were first times of going out for a meal, first time socializing, first holidays, there was a lot of firsts, but,

Carly:

you

Laura:

know, needed navigating. But with a plan, you know, of how to do that. And I think it's like, it's like a muscle, um, the, the sober muscle, the more you do it, and the more things that you, um, accomplish sober, the bigger the muscle grows.

Carly:

Yeah. And that just speaks to everything in life, doesn't it? Like you were trying to change something. And I think any change any transformation, whether we, you know, Use this word or not is definitely a spiritual practice, you know, when we make a daily commitment to being who we deserve to be, who our inner knowing, our inner wisdom, higher, knows who we truly are, but it just gets covered up with societal expectations, our views of ourself that we've taken on with our conditioning. And yeah, really just get into that point of, do you know what? I don't know. Perhaps someone in there does, you know, that, reality of understanding surrender, because we can come across these words quite a lot, and depending on which world we, you know, walk in and what circles we spend our time in, these can sound a little bit cliche, can't they, but when you truly live them and you have your own experience, um, and that inner knowing added to that, it really is that journey to the core of yourself, isn't it? When you know that right in my core, I know this is what I want now, but sometimes it just take just a bit of a Declaration, as you said, to say, yep, you know what I'm handing over the reins and they take off all these layers. And yeah, it's truly amazing that you find your way to that. And absolutely with the muscle analogy. I love that. I mean, you were in the gym during the reps, you know, time after you, when you got better. So what's all this done for you then? What's this brought forward? And I know this, this journey has been quite a ride.

Laura:

The strength training, obviously was a big part in those early days and that role you played, Carly, as a coach, there's been, there was some really key learning points for me in that, which I'm gonna give you a shout out for, which was mindset was a huge one. understanding that I had choice. I used to, I used to almost wish myself tired, but you know, that kind of belief, you know, what you think your thoughts become your, you know, your actions, your actions become your habits. Um, so yeah, I just became really more aware and, and I thought there was a bit of a slowing down really to capture some of those thoughts, really, to examine them, to look at them and, you know, were they serving me or not? But I remember that one particular time when you said, well, it's about choice, isn't it? You know, I wasn't letting myself off the hook with something, but I was actually making a choice. Um, and I don't think I got to a similar thing, um, aha moment, which was when we'd got, through to the photo shoot after I've done some one to one training with you and you know, I've kind of achieved what I set out to do and, and then it's like, okay, what's the next challenge Callie? Let's start, um, I wanted to do pull ups, didn't I? Yeah. And we started out on that journey and then realized, I realized that actually, what am I doing this for? You know, is this what I'm to do? Or is this just my ego? but it's just your ego. by which time I, well, well, as part of that Healthy Burns program, we'd, we'd had a little, taster session of yoga one evening, and that evening was just momentous, you know, but I cried as that end of that yoga session that we had, and I couldn't sleep that night. There was something, it woke up something within me. For sure. And that set me off on my yoga journey, which is, I'm very much on, which has led me to just so many wonderful things. I could go talk about that. Um, yeah, we haven't got enough time to talk about all of that. Need to say that I have, you know, qualified, and now I'm a qualified vinyasa yoga teacher. that was in the summer this year and just this weekend, I have just completed my yoga nidra, training, which is fantastic because for the last three months, yoga nidra, and for those that don't know, There's a yoga for everything. I didn't even know this. I thought yoga was just, you know, what you've seen very slim, bendy, beautiful people, you know, doing handstands and all of that, which is just, yeah, there are people doing that. And to be fair, my, my journey into yoga was very much around, You know, part of that strength training continuation, it was about being flexible and, you know, it was part and parcel, but it was just a whole deeper level, um, to it than that. And one of the big lessons that I, I suppose I'm working on at the moment is my need for proper rest and proper relaxation. And that is something which is one of those. Lessons that just keeps coming back up to bite me on the bum, um, which looking back, I can see just been complete cycles of me working so hard, going at something hell for leather, running at something to the point of, you know, burnout or to the point where, yeah, I just can't do it anymore.

Carly:

I've never had that with yoga that once I removed alcohol from the equation, it took me a little while to realize that I had maybe a unhealthy relationship with shopping at that time. And then, and then when I realized what I was doing with shopping, it was vintage, so buying online, which was just getting out of hand. Um, I brought that under control and then up popped another thing and then another thing. And yeah, so kind of how, how you do anything is how you do everything right. And this has been my journey, I suppose. They could talk about the sober glow, um, for a period of time, which the glow's never gone for me. But I suppose what I would say is that at 18 months, that journey took on a more deeper, deeper level. And I think part, I know, part of that was, was yoga. And what I've come to understand in terms of. the ability. Yoga doesn't heal, it is a tool. That can be used for self healing and that led me to start to, I suppose, yeah, go, go back, and look at, I suppose, well, my, my life story essentially. And I had, you know, I'd done therapy way back in my twenties. But this was, this was different. This was going on a, you know, more deeper level revisiting. abuse and you know, that might sound really heavy, but this time it was with the ability to resource myself to have the tools in place to lean on. And that, you know, again, that belief in myself that I can, I can do this. And, you know, I know a lot of people are frightened to lift off the lid. And, you know, have a, have a, have a look around and yeah, I get that, but I think it kind of happened spontaneously really with the journey of yoga, which then led me to somatic therapy. And I mean, somatic, you know, I'm training to be a somatic therapist whilst having somatic therapy, you know, at the same time, which, you know, happens with a lot of, you know, therapies. So that's kind of leading me into the next Stage, I think you wanna call it a stage, stage of this journey. And, but what we were, what I was starting to talk about was this realization that this burnout cycle that I've had my whole life and what I've come to understand is some of those adaptive behaviors. I suppose there were survival techniques that I needed to have as a child, which. You know, served me well as a, as a child in the situation that I found myself in. And, but not particularly serving me as an adult, you know, and yeah, people pleasing, perfectionism, just so much around the, trying to fit in, trying to, you know, not, I suppose, be authentically me. And a big thing with alcohol was about that, was fitting in. As a teenager, that's what I remember, that feeling of feeling uncomfortable and wanted to be the lad. I wanted to be the ladette. I could drink them pint for pint, you know. And that's pretty much, I think, been my story of my life. Not drinking pint for pint, but I mean, as in, Feeling that I needed to create personas to fit in with, with particular people or, you know. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think when we, when we search for that validation outside ourselves, we're always going to need that comfort blanket, aren't we? And whether that's alcohol, shopping, you know, just never really trusting ourselves. We have to ask 20 people before we do anything. All of these things, they take us away, take us away from our true nature. Yeah. and it's really about coming back to self, isn't it? And with what you said about, you know, yoga being a way towards healing, you know, I do believe that our bodies are very wise, very strong, it's capable of so much more than we realize. There's so much healing, but we need to allow the space. And that means taking away all those comfort blankets. But what you said about having those resources. I think that's so important. I think sometimes we feel like we need to do our healing, our therapy, like ripping off a plaster, like running at the wall, you know, like let's go for it to charge it down. But actually a gentler, softer approach, knowing that we can take our time. It can feel like it's a lot to do. So you kind of want to get it over with, don't you? But actually it's about taking your time, allowing the body to adjust to every phase. so much for joining us. Using the tools, building them up. I've been learning this myself, as I'm becoming a breathwork facilitator and also receiving the benefits of the therapeutic effects of breathwork, we call it a twin trail. you may have heard this yourself through your yoga practice, but where yeah, we're all wounded healers. We're all there sort of doing our own work, supporting others that are maybe just a couple of steps behind us. And it's actually a really important part of our own integration to do this. So I really feel that's what. Partly of what you're describing there. I don't think we can truly be authentic in these things without having some kind of experience and been doing our own work ourselves. so it's really does demonstrate this in what you're doing as well. So yeah, I love that you're bringing this through. So tell me more about. Where this yoga practice is coming, you're doing quite a lot of things. You're doing yoga, you're stepping into somatic therapy. You've got your whole history with that journey from alcohol to shedding those things that don't serve you, getting stronger, doing the reps. I mean, it's a lot. So how is it coming together for you? Yeah. The need to rest, the need to slow down is very much the flavor of where I'm at right now. And And part of that is trusting that I am where I need to be right now. And that what's coming down the line, you know, yes, you need to take action. There are the things that you need to do, the doing. But we are But what I've not done enough of is the being. We are human beings after all, and being in the being is very hard for me. and as I'm sure, you know, for lots of other people. Um, so where I'm at with yoga nidra again is very much that twin track, you know, so. I'm, I'm wanting to bring yoga nidra very much to, to people that are interested. so I've, I've created a hub, online hub, the Somatic Wellness Hub, and it's very early days. And I'm building a community in there. the Sober Vibes Tribe. And. It's kind of, yeah, bringing it all together. At this moment in time, I'm very much focused on launching one to one Sober coaching, which is a program called Sober and Soul Aligned. And I'm very much feeling that my, my tribe, uh, the spiritual seekers out there who may be, you know, are feeling that disconnect because of alcohol. And, and you know, yoga is part of the toolkit, as we could call it, but it's very much part of what I need to do day in, day out, Yeah, this, this human, human life. but it's just going back to what you said, a little while ago about that looking outside. That's still something that I, again, I'm still feeling quite an office at. You know, trusting, and it's trusting that intuition, it's trusting that I have all the answers and, and again, you know, big revelation with all of this has been that I was never broken in the first place. None of us are, you know, we, we, we are already there. We've just, we've just lost our, I suppose, our way a little bit and some of it's forgotten. I, yeah, I'm connecting with parts of myself that are from much earlier in my life. Um, so the, those gifts were already, were already there. Um, but yeah, like you say, that's that conditioning, that patterning that, that we grow up through and, and obviously adverse childhood experiences, you know, trauma are all things that, you know, ultimately shape the way we are. But you know, they take us off our path slightly. Absolutely. Yeah. But then I probably wouldn't be sat here talking to you right now had I not had that. those experiences and my journey with alcohol. So again, you know, it's all part of that path. And I think where we're meant to cross paths at certain points, where I always feel like a spiral where we, we go around and we just meet ourselves at a different point with different tools each time. So when we're learning that trust journey, we have it, we develop it, we recognize a pattern again, but we're in a different place. And I think that's really how it works when we progress. I think if we were never going to have an experience again, why learn a lesson? And, um, so absolutely it's all about revisiting and hopefully doing a little bit better each time we meet ourselves in that new position. So, but thank you so much for. We're bringing that in because, yeah, I think we're all learning how to be ourselves and interact with the world and still stay ourselves. Because after all, it's all feedback on how we're doing, uh, what we want to take, what we don't want to take. Massive puzzle of life. It's part of the fun, although there can be times I can't say it always feels fun, but. Looking back, I guess it does. I can't say there's any part of my life that I would want to take away in spite of sometimes wishing those things hadn't happened or would never wish for them on yourself or anybody else. But ultimately I think all parts of us want to be seen, recognized, acknowledged and brought forward because they all have something to teach us. Um, which is why I guess the word intuition, that inner. tuition, that teacher is what it's all about, bringing forward all those lessons, knowing they're all valid. So, so yeah, thank you for, for that. It's just a testament to how much work has gone on, your whole life, but it sounds like it really has been accelerated the last few years, or as I saw in your social media, 31 months of sobriety. Yes, this weekend. Yeah, I'm fastly approaching math. 1, 000 days, and that'll be the next one I'll, um, acknowledge and, and celebrate, which will be in November. but yeah, but in some respects, it feels a long time, but in other aspects, if we think what, where is the last year gone from when we last sat down and had this, you know, this interview when, um, yeah, where I am now, I mean, it's, and I think there is, again, that's part of that, that impulsive compulsiveness of me wanting things to happen quite quickly and, you know, and that, and again, learning to become aware of. Of that and knowing that again, it's that comes with that rest and that really slowing down. And again, you know, trusting that I am where I need to be right now. There is a part of me thinks, Oh, I'm 54. Um, you know, I, I haven't got, I've got so much I want to do now, you know, I feel like in some respects, um, I've only just begun, um, if you could say that, and, but I think that's, yeah, just, although I did say that my last birthday, I've got another 54 years to go, I'm going to live till I'm, 108. Brilliant? Yeah, so I'm only halfway. I'm only halfway. And when I, when I kind of frame it like that, it takes the pressure off. I think, yeah, you've got plenty of time. But I do want to, I think, yeah, I see, um, yoga journey into my, I'll say older years, but you know, this next phase. Absolutely. And like I say, as we slow down, that's how we get to hear ourselves. And I like to express it as turtle life, just floating through, moving forward, occasionally jumping into one of these fast currents, but just knowing that's not our natural state. We're just there to, take it all in. but it's unnerving, society does not necessarily encourage us to take the slow approach. Um, we're not often validated for taking the rest. It's a hard distinction to draw between procrastination avoidance and the genuine rest needed to move forward. So I'm so glad you're bringing in more of the yoga nidra into the world through your practice. I spend a lot of time with people that want to work with me, want to do breath work, they often need to start with those really slow breath works, even though we might want the practice. Active ones, because that feels like more has happened, but actually it's that being able to know true rest, which I know in perimenopause, sleep being absolutely a huge thing that's interrupted. And quite often we've lived in such a state of fight or flight, that rushing, that being pulled in all directions and that the sandwich generation between children and perhaps parents for some people that are looking after them. And again, just not actually. Being able to remember the last time the body was aware of rest. And I think this has an impact on sleep, doesn't it? When we actually can't achieve that state because we don't know it consciously. So, um, have you found a change in your own sleep since doing the Yeah, for sure. I mean, it was already quite well improved after removing alcohol from the equation, realizing that I wasn't having, I've never had proper sleep with, with that. but with Nidra, yes, very much so. heart rate is, um, is a lot slower. but also, yeah, falling into, I often do a, a Nidra into sleep, which, yeah, it takes me into such a deeper, deeper sleep. But I've been having more dreams. I've never been aware of my dreams for, for many, many years. I'm starting to become more aware of my dreams, which is really nice to know that I, I think we all, I kind of knew I must be dreaming, but just not having that. awareness of them. And, um, but yeah, I mean, Nidra brings so many benefits when we think about stress, you know, we think about how many, how many, how many people, you know, are still prone to this, but that dysregulated nervous system where people are just in fight and flight constantly. Um, Nidra, to give you that opportunity to kind of drop into the parasympathetic, that rest and digest. And some of the positives that come with that, you know, you know, you know, when we've got cortisol swelling, swelling through the system all of the time, we often can't, even when we're making changes, like, you know, maybe we've made a change to our Um, I want to say not diet, but you know, we're making healthier food choices and, you know, we're moving our body more, but it's not moving the needle when it comes to that way, particularly for women around the middle. And that's generally because of cortisol, I believe. and that being stuck in that fight flight. And, um, so a practice like breathwork, like Nidra, you know, anything that kind of gets us into that parasympathetic improves our digestion. It lowers the cortisol and, you know, the, it allows the body to do what it instinctively wants to do. Um, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Like I say, we can put in all the right nutrients and like I said, do the strength training, but we know that these things only come to fruition when we rest. So the strength is gained on the rest days. We stress the muscles. We take a rest and that's when we build the muscle. So it's only when we get into that true rest state, like I said, rest and digest and repair. We can't repair in fight or flight. Cause it doesn't matter in that moment. Does it, if we need to get away from the tiger, it doesn't really matter if we've got a scab on, on our elbows, but yeah, obviously life is very different these days and there's always an opportunity to feel stressed. And I think. Again, with our menopause, the hormones changing, estrogen, progesterone, particularly dropping, having huge impacts on our emotional regulation, which then in turn, these healthy changes we want to make with nutrition, how we nourish ourselves and move harder to sustain when you're in fight or flight. It's harder to make that decision to do some cooking instead of getting the takeaway to hold off on the chocolate for a meal. and actually instead of eating the whole share size bar in the car on the way home. you know, there's so many behaviors that can come in when we're not able to access our consciousness and it's all autopilot behavior, keeping us safe through things that just feel too tough. And it just gets a bit worse when the hormones start to drop off. they do a lot for us in younger life, as well as how life just builds, isn't it? The career, the responsibilities, and perhaps the accumulated fatigue. For a life of not resting. Um, that's just a belief that one, I think from me, but only thinking about when we have to live our life, how in our twenties, we get away with everything. Um, 30 to feel able to push through. And from the forties onwards, in my opinion, it starts to be okay. How are we paying this back? And depending on how we respond to that depends on how our journey goes, I think. So, yeah, it's just great to acknowledge that if we want to make those changes, there's, you know, Everything needs to change. It's a whole round holistic approach, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. That's interesting. I think there is a, you know,'cause I'm all about habits and compulsions and addictions, that's kind of become my area of expertise, is, is actually a lot of the time we can get caught up in the addiction of. being stressed, you know, being busy, you know, how often, you know, when you ask people how they are, they say, they say busy. It's either, I'm just so busy, or I'm just so tired, you know, they're the two most common things. But, you know, if we actually sit and, you know, unpick it, well, it's the kind of, it's the neuroplasticity stuff, isn't it, with the neuroscience, the brain, um, there's part evolution, but there's a part of that, you know, we get caught in, in loops, don't we, that, that feel comfortable because we, you know, we've thought that way, but there might be a payoff. You know, there might be a payoff saying that, you know, and being busy because that might be the only way that we can express to our significant other that we actually need something, you know, it might be a way to, to communicate that in a, in a roundabout way. You know, because it's kind of got us what we've needed to that, to that point, you know, absolutely. And I think busyness has become a bit of a norm. I would say that actually the day we can stop wearing busy like a badge is when we can start to move forward because I think it's become the new fine, hasn't it? When you ask how somebody is, rather fine or busy, but neither of those are particularly Um, helpful responses if there's something we need that we can't get for ourselves. I think there's definitely an age of vulnerability that we'll be stepping into. And I think the more people that are taking this path, like yourself, myself, and everyone that we work with, the easier this transition is going to be and the best of the world will be for the next generation. So I think you really are doing some important work here. if you were to try and boil this So this is going to be a hard one for you. What are your three main wins, um, since doing all of this? Can you, can you pick three? Oh, three main wins. Um, oh, well, obviously getting sober. Yeah. Um, oh, well. That's interesting. That's just popped into my mind. Sober yoga love, uh, which was the original handle for my Instagram. And that came about you know, the Sober bit, um, doesn't, I suppose, need much explanation. Um, the yoga, maybe not so much either. Uh, and the love bit, I think that's really tricky for people to get to initially. And it was for me and it, what started out with. building a kindness for myself in getting sober and saying yes to the things that I was saying yes to and the changes that I was making was, was building a Yeah, a kindness and a kindness to my, I've always found it easy to be kind to other people, but actually being kind to myself and that then made way for compassion and empathy for myself. And it's now given way to, um, to love and, you know, that people might balk at that, you know, um, because there's a whole host of things that, you know, come into mind there, you know, you know, certainly. Brought up with the view that, you know, look at her, who she thinks she is, you know, there's negative judgments when you see a confident female standing there, you know, and who clearly does love herself and take the care, gives herself the care that she needs. But again, I suppose in that kind of greater collective, for me, That journey of doing yoga is around interconnectedness and it's about realizing that we are all, we are all interconnected. You know, we are part of the collective and having that less judgment for myself enabled me to have less judgment for others and shift that to that compassion and love for myself. And for, you know, for fellow human beings who are. You know, walking their paths, their journeys on this earth. Oh, that sounds a lot like going a bit too far. It can sound, but actually, you know, you know, but also it's a funny one because you have to sort of experience it. But I love how you've mentioned that the steps to love, because you're right. It sounds like a loaded question. We possibly throw in love you all day long, whether without feeling it, you know, genuinely in that moment. There's nothing wrong with that. But that relationship with that word, it can feel like a bit of a loaded question, isn't it? Um, but knowing that there's those steps, which I think even beginning with receiving something like a compliment can be the start of your self kindness, um, which is why it's so important to just get used to receiving those very small things as baby steps, because yeah, we hear it thrown around. Don't we learn to love your body? It's like, it can feel like an lifetime away for so many people who can't even imagine. Just not crying when they look in the mirror, you know, so there can be just so many steps. So yeah, starting with kindness to self. Um, I think it's just such a, a great way to work towards that reconnection. And yes, it does get to love eventually, but everyone has their own pace. Now you've done two of them. Have you got a third win? I know you do, but go on, pick one. Oh, no, that was the three. sober, yoga, love Oh, so cool! Totally missed that. Oh, well done. Well, I was just going to slip another one in then. Yeah. But it is part of that, it is part of the, all of the three really, which is, learning to feel, you know, a great deal of, of, I suppose my relationship with alcohol was in part because I couldn't handle, I suppose. the feeling or, um, as many people do, you know, we want to distract ourselves or we want to numb ourselves or we want to, uh, just avoid really. so that impulse of, of when a feeling comes is, is, and again, I'm very much still on that journey through my somatic therapy is, is, is learning to feel all of the feelings. And to sit with the feelings and not know that I, and absolutely know that I don't need to push it down or, you know, numb it in any way. And to be with, with, you know, to be with me, to be with my body and, and Learning a new language, really, I suppose, in relation to that, which is this, the feelings as they arise, connecting in with the body, so disconnected from my, my body from, you know, when, when something comes up, where do I feel that in the body? Um, and again, that's just another gift that, that yoga has, has given me and again, somatic therapy, but it's, it's learning to, we don't feel feelings in our mind. We feel feelings in the body and, um, and building that relationship with my body, which started with that journey. I started with you, Carly. Yeah. Um, you know, um, it's yeah, it's. It's another massive win absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing. And yeah, I think we can be so afraid to feel because we've undergone so many judgments. And when that starts waking up within us, it can be disconcerting. We can judge it. We can think there's something wrong, but actually it's all there to give us a message. And we are sensing beings that we are supposed to sense and the thoughts come afterwards when we make sense of the senses. If that makes sense. Hopefully it makes sense to somebody, but yeah, when we can actually feel those feelings and all of us call our felt sense as we probably talk about that within your somatic therapies. And as a great book called waking the tiger, which I think starts to explain that. Um, but yeah, it really does open a lot. lot of doors for us, doesn't it? That we just didn't even know existed, which is very exciting. So, um, knowing that how much this has changed for you, how does this change your future or what you see for yourself and your business going forward? Yeah. Um, Well, I'm still very much in the kind of, the doing, the doing part of that and I am, I suppose, still, still crafting the messaging, the niche of, we talk about, you know, you, you, you work with, you need, you can't work with everybody. And again, that's part of that fixing. I want to work with everybody. But that's that wanting to do it. Fix people, um, which, you know, again, it's a huge part lesson that I'm learning right now. So, um, so yeah, just kind of working out where, where my, my ideal clients, who they are. And, and as I said, building the somatic wellness hub and the community in there. and trying to support people where they're at. Um, yeah, and hopefully, yeah, I need to work on my mission statement, just in terms, I mean, I've obviously clearly, you know, I feel very passionate about getting sober and, and I, I just always come back to that saying, if I can do it, if I can do it, anyone can do it. And again, a bit of a cliche, but, you know, I, I really thought I was, I lost cause for, for many years, I'd even tried medication, you know, to, and it's, yeah. And I just think if I can, if I can help just one person realize what I've managed to realize, then yeah, that'd be a great thing. And I think when we lead from that place, you're going to help a lot of people going forward. So it's all about. Again, what you said, knowing we don't have to have all the answers right now. We just need to know that next step from that place of love and integrity that can only come when we listen to that inner voice. So thank you so much for that. Um, so going forward then, if you had some advice for any ladies, women wanting to reconnect to themselves, throughout the perimenopause or menopause, what would you suggest? What would be your top tips? Unity, whatever that looks like in terms of building that connection with people who are on that kind of maybe journey or, or a bit further ahead on that journey. And just be mindful of what you're surrounding yourself with and who. They say that they we, we are with a sum. The five most people we spend time with. So, yeah. And I think I started unplugging myself from quite negative influences. you know, TV that wasn't particularly serving, serving me and, parts of social media and mainstream media. you know, but yeah, I think it's a really tricky one. I think everybody, It's different for different people what people need. And I think that having that, you know, that belief that you find, and that one thing that you need to find that you really enjoy. Don't, you know, don't go to the gym if the gym makes you unhappy. You know, you need, yes, we need movement, but do it in a way that, that brings you, you know, joy. You know, it's. it's something you enjoy to do and follow the things that you enjoy to do. And if you're sitting there thinking, I haven't got a clue, then, you know, take some time to, Oh, journal, we haven't mentioned journaling. You know, that was something you tried several times to get me into, which I was very resistant of. And then again, that's another message where there is resistance. That's interesting. Why, why? Why is the resistance, you know, and that's for me now is a sign how I need to look a bit deeper and a bit closer at that, because there's a reason that resistance is coming up and where I've gone through the resistance has been. has been, you know, greater wins on the other side, shall we say. Absolutely. So, so get, just getting curious and get interested in, yes, maybe something that you used to enjoy that you don't do anymore, um, is often maybe somewhere, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think, yeah, that curiosity and the resistance, I, uh, noticed that a lot. And even yourself, you said how busy you were, um, how much you had that drive and how much you're actually called to do yoga nidra and that balance. Um, I caught myself just over a year ago, having, um, a big, of resistance to the idea of a podcast. I've caught myself saying far too many times, I'll never be doing a podcast, can't see myself doing that. But it is interesting how when your brain wants to focus on a lot on why you're not going to do something, it may actually be an invitation to give it a go. So, yeah, absolutely. Very wise words from you there, Laura. So, there's been so much wisdom, I think, dropped today, considering when we, just before we came on the call, we didn't quite know the direction we were going to go in, but it's always a good time when we meet up. And how can people take a step towards perhaps working with you, find your world, and how's best to find you and follow what you're doing? I'm on Instagram. Sober Yoga vibes, which I'm sure you'll pop in the show notes. And I'm also on Facebook as the Somatic Sober coach. And both of those areas would give you links to the Somatic Wellness Hub, which is, uh, I'm quite aware that for people who might be struggling with alcohol, you know, there's quite a barrier there for. Seeking support and actually, you know, stepping up to not just the admit it's that it's part of that feeling the shame and you know how, and there is discrimination isn't there and there's so much judgment around. And I mean there is a huge movement, you know, a sober movement now which is fantastic and I am seeing more and more people online, you know, being open. and vulnerable about there. But if I think back to where I was back in, you know, before this journey begun, the sober journey, I, I, I couldn't even articulate to my husband. I mean, he obviously knew very well what was happening, but I couldn't go and sit in front of a professional and say, I think I've got an alcohol problem. Um, so I'm going about in a long winded way of saying. I've created the community away from social media because of that, because if you do come into the, into the community, the Sober tribes, um, community, you can change your profile. I mean, I'm, I'm obviously not a great believer in that. I'm all about being open and authentic about who you are and be proud of. Where you are and who you are. But I do know that that could be a barrier for quite a lot of people. And if I think about professionals, teachers, nurses, social workers, then you know, there, there are implications around professional registration. And um, and I get that, um. So with that in mind, yes, people can, can be anonymous in, in that space, and I offer a lot of free content in there and, and obviously people get to interact with me and, um, yeah, I'm all about the kind of the connection. So yeah, if anybody wants to head over there, you'd be very, very welcome. Such a wonderful theme of connection I believe we've had today. And so wonderful that you create so generously a safe space, and it brings to mind, and a quote that I really love that shame dies when stories are told in safe places and I really believe this is something that you are making a contribution to so thank you for bringing this to the world, Laura, and thank you so much for connecting today. Thank you. a year since you were last on the podcast. I feel like I need to invite you back next year. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a lot having gone on. of course with appropriate rest in between. So thank you so much for coming and I will put your links into the show notes. So anybody that does want to connect with you and receive your support can head over there and they'll be able to get access. So thank you so much for coming. Thanks Carly. It's been a pleasure. You're welcome. Take care.